Moony's Sister, Padfoot's Lover
by emilyisgr8
Summary: My name is Sacrillia Lupin and I was born to save the people I love.  Follows general story but changes slightly to allow for OC Character  Rated M for tragedy later, and some lemon
1. Wilting

_My name is Sacrilia Lupin and I was born to save the lives of the people I love._

**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**

I was sat in my usual chair, waiting for my husband to return. He was half an hour late, but that was nothing new- him and James always got carried away. He would leave most nights to check on his best friend and his godson, and at half ten I would sit in my armchair and wait for his return. Then we would talk, or most nights make love. Every night he would say that "I should be in bed" but we both would know that I wouldn't be able to sleep without knowing he was home, by my side, protecting me, loving me as he had for five years. Tonight was one of the nights he was late.

By half eleven I grew concerned, he would never be this late as he knew I would worry. We shared the same main priority, to make sure the other was happy. People often said that we were two halves of a whole, soulmates, we would move in sync. I sat for an additional five minutes, but couldn't stay there much longer I had to floo the Potter's house.

This would probably be something that we would laugh about in the future, silly, worrying Lia Lupin. Always worrying, a heart too full of love. Nevertheless I reached into the pot of emerald powder on the mantelpiece and threw it into the roaring flames. I braced myself to see him and James sat drinking in the living room, having had one too many and unaware of the time.

"The Potter's" I shouted, kneeling down and putting my head in.

What I didn't expect was to be thrown back from the fire with force, flying back into the couch with my head knocking against it as I did. I couldn't understand why I couldn't use the floo, that had never happened before. As I rose to try again there was a knock at the door. A smile creeped up around my lips, it must be him, he'd be standing at the door with a bouquet of flowers and a guilty yet roguish smile which would melt away any anger I had about him being late. I walked to the door, opening it carefully as I always did as a precaution to see the familiar light brown hair of my brother. As I pulled up the latch the light of the hallway revealed more of his face, his expression was one of pain and shock. His eyes were full of grief and confusion.

"Remus?" I asked, my voice could be considered comedically high.

Remus Lupin walked into the house, slowly like a funeral march and blindly like he couldn't see anything.

"Remus? What's wrong?" I repeated, closing the door behind him and rushing to my brother- my hand clutching his arm with fear.

"It was Sirius" Remus said, his voice terrifyingly cracked, broken, hollow. He hadn't even been quite this upset when our grandmother had died, and he was very close to her.

I stared at him for a moment, confused and terrified. Where was my fiance and what had he done? "What was Sirius?"

Remus turned to look me in my eyes, our eyes a mirror of each other- both a beautiful hazel with flecks of blue. "Sirius sold out James and Lily... to him..."

"No, he wouldn't" I said instantly, James was his best friend why would he do that, the man was a brother to him.

"Lia listen to me. They're gone. James, Lily, Peter. 12 innocent muggles. All because of him" Remus croaked, his eyes full of tears and truth.

Abruptly I moved towards the stairs. Then I slowly turned to the broken form of my brother then asked. "Where is he?"

"Azkaban" Remus whispered, before he collapsed onto the floor, bringing his knees up to his face and sobbing, his sobs echoing around the high-ceiling hallway. I half-ran up the stairs, unnoticed by the griefstricken Remus before collapsing on my bed, finally allowing myself to sob with broken cries.

I slowly reached out to the bedside table with a quivering hand to pull the single flower from the vase on my bedside table. My sobs increased as I held the flower in my hand, staring at the flower which had been brilliant and purple just three hours ago. It had now wilted, just like the man who had given it to me to signify the first day we met...

* * *

><p><em>I hated it when Remus left for Hogwarts. Not because I was jealous, as I knew my time was yet to come, but because I missed my big brother so much. He was the best big brother you could ask for, he'd chase off the muggle kids if they picked on me for being weird and put a plaster on my knee if I fell over then would make me laugh so I would forget. It felt like I was an only child when he left, I love my Mum and Dad to pieces- but they just aren't the same as a big brother.<em>

_When we went to see him off at Kings Cross I cried, when he saw me sobbing he clung to me._

_Then he whispered in my ear. "You'll be here one day Lia, but in the meantime look after Mum and Dad, they'll be worrying"_

_I looked over his shoulder at my parents, who looked over the moon that he had got a place but I could see the underlying worry in their eyes. It had been hard letting him go, my parents never dreamed he would get a place at Hogwarts with his condition. In fact, I don't think anyone did. The headmaster had had a tree planted with a shack concealed inside, so Remus would have a place to go when he transformed. We had all been prepared for him to never get a place, but the fact that he could go to a school was still sinking in._

_"I love you Remus, please be careful" I whispered back._

_Remus pulled away from me and let our identical eyes meet. "I love you too, I'll owl you every week I promise"_

_I nodded and wiped the tears from my eyes as Remus went over to be grappled by my mother who was sobbing too, then to be hugged by my father who's eyes were slightly watery._

_"Bye everyone!" Remus called brightly, with a nervous undertone. My brother gave one last wave before pushing his trolley and owl in the direction of the train, following behind two students who must have been in his year. One was a girl with long red hair, and the other was a tall, skinny boy with longish black hair- I didn't know then, but both would become very important in my life._

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_

_Remus kept his promise to write to me every week, and he told me how he shared his dormitory with six other boys. It only took a week to become best friends with two of them, James Potter and Sirius Black. A couple of months later he told me of how he'd befriended some boy called Peter Pettigrew who they had saved from Slytherin bullies. I felt genuinely pleased for him when he told me about how he finally felt like he fit in, and how despite the fact they didn't know of his condition they still seemed to care when he made excuses every full moon._

_I'd grown stronger myself since he had left, i only had myself and no tough big brother to defend me. A couple of months after my brother left I'd been playing on the park near our house with two muggle girls I'd been friends with for a while. We were approached by some nasty muggle boys who had been nasty to me a couple of years back who wanted their revenge, as the whole neighbourhood knew my brother had gone to boarding school. They came and pushed me and my friends around, taking our beads we'd been using to make bracelets and scattering them. I stood up and faced the biggest and ugliest one who's mean, piggy little eyes met mine. _

_"Got a problem Sacrifreaka?" he asked, sniggering with his little friends._

_"Leave her alone" my friend Rosie called, but shut up quietly when one of the other boys kicked her. _

_"Oi! Freak I'm talking to you!" the boy shouted, his spit flying in my face._

_Anger fizzed through me and I brought my knee up to his crotch, all I'd been expecting was a shout of pain, but I had got so much more._

_"It's burning! My widgey is burning! My widgey is on fire!" the bully shouted, his voice full of terror._

_His friends doubled over in laughter at him, as did mine. The bully had his hands clutched to his crotch and he was running around shrieking. Finally he ran off out the park, with his friends in pursuit. I was never picked on again after that day._

__**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_  
><em>

_He returned in the summer with a confidence I hadn't seen in him since his attack, and my parents finally stopped worrying quite as much as they knew he was happier than he'd ever been. Remus and his three friends had an agreement over the summer, that they would visit each other and hang out as often as possible. After a week Remus asked if they could come round our house, my mother of course agreed as she wanted to meet the three boys who made her son so happy. _

_Only two of them arrived at first, James and Peter. James was a tall, skinny boy with jet black hair and round glasses. He was wearing a quidditch jersey and jeans, somehow looking passable as a muggle despite his quidditch sportswear. Peter was in many ways to opposite of James, he was short and plump with sandy brown/blonde hair and had a nervous aura around him. Peter wore a large jumper and jeans with clumpy trainers. Remus brought me to meet the pair of them but as they greeted me I didn't say anything, when I tried I couldn't feel the words coming out of my mouth. As a child I had never spoken much, other than around family, not because I was shy- just because I couldn't think of what to say with people. Remus gave up and made excuses for me, dragging his friends away to play quidditch and leaving me to draw._

_I'd always been a talented drawer my mother would say, as a child I drew owls and cats and dragons and hippogriffs and my mother would put them on the little pinboard we have in the kitchen for all to see. __So I settled myself down under the large apple tree beside our house and started to draw the match from what I could see, occasionally they would bob out of view but they would always come back clutching a quaffle. After twenty minutes I was absorbed in my drawing and unaware of the world around me, that was until I was interrupted by an unfamiliar voice._

_"You're an amazing drawer"_

_I jumped about a mile at the sound of a young boys voice and raised my head to be face to face with a stranger, well a stranger in looks but I knew who he must be. Sirius Black was tall, but not as lanky as his friend, but also shared black hair but his was longer and fell to his chin. Sirius had piercing grey eyes and smooth __porcelain skin, he was one of those boys where it was obvious he would grow up to be very handsome._

_"Sirius, right?" I asked, surprising myself with speech. Somehow I felt more comfortable around him than the others._

_"Sacrillia right?" he shot back, his lips pulling back into a perfect toothed grin._

_I winced at the mention of my name, which I'd always hated._

_"Not a fan of your name then?" Sirius asked, surprisingly perceptive for a nearing teenage boy._

_"No, it's over the top and not even a proper name" I shrugged, watching him continue to grin._

_"I think it's a beautiful name" Sirius said, a ladies man even then._

_Flushing deeply I replied "Well, Sirius is too. Makes me think of the stars"_

_He shook his head in disbelief. "That's what I'm named after, all my family are named after constellations"_

_"You see THAT is beautiful, the fact that you're named after constellations. Not because you have some random name" I said, it felt really odd being able to converse this easily with someone out of my own family._

_"I'm sure it has a meaning that you don't know of yet, everything does" Sirius said, bending down to pick a flower out of my mothers plant border. "Everything in the world is beautiful, in it's own way" _

_Sirius carefully threaded the bright purple flower into my golden hair before pulling back. "Except Slytherins"_

_We both laughed and he walked away, over to where the others were playing quidditch. With a smile I added a fourth boy to the drawing, in his hair was a hint of purple, as if there was a flower threaded inside._

* * *

><p>The memories were raw in my mind right now, I had to get out of this room- our room. Pulling myself off the bed I slowly wandered downstairs, my brother had stopped crying by now but just stared at the wall opposite him, as if he couldn't see anything. His head snapped up at the sound of my footsteps and the pain in his eyes made my own fill up with tears. So there I stayed on the bottom step, sobbing with grief for my best friend, grief for Remus losing all of his best friends, and grief for the man I knew. The man who sold out the one person in the world who was like a brother to him was not the man I fell in love with, it felt like My Sirius had died.<p>

My standing there sobbing was like a trigger for Remus, he got up suddenly and crossed to me before letting me sob into his warm, comforting arms.

"I'm so sorry this happened" he whispered in my ear, as I felt a drip down my neck. He was crying again.

I pulled out of our embrace for a moment and caught the tears with my fingers. "It's not your fault, it's his. I don't know how, or why he would do this but he did it and what's done is done"

"I'm just sorry I couldn't save him from You-Know-Who," Remus said raggedly.

"Nobody could Re, that's the problem, nobody can save them once they've gone to the dark side" I whispered, pulling him back into the hug and bursting into fresh tears.

We both cried until the tears ran their course, and when they did we talked for a long time. Remus told me everything that happened starting from when You-Know-Who attacked the Potters to Sirius' arrest and I told him of how Sirius' behavior hadn't particularly changed. Finally I asked the question I'd been scared to ask, scared of the answer.

"What about Harry?" I asked, fearing for my godson.

Remus gave his first smile of the night. "He's safe, living with Lily's sister"

"How did a little boy stop the darkest wizard of all time?" I asked, shaking my head.

"That, I'm guessing, will be the biggest mystery of the next few years" Remus said.

After that we sat in silence, watching the sun rise and listening to the distant celebration of a world apparently free of evil. It was like they were the only wizards in the world not celebrating, except Harry Potter.


	2. Healing

"Sacrillia, Morgan won't drink her pumpkin juice again" came the whiny voice of one of the healer interns, Chelsea I think her name is.

I sighed and set down the files I had been organising, it had seemed like it was going to be a quiet afternoon- apparently not. "Can you not make her? Aren't you supposed to be training to do my job?"

Chelsea shrugged insolently, popping her droobles gum in a loud fashion. "She don't like me"

"I'm not suprised" I muttered until my breath before replying to Chelsea. "I'll see to it"

The most annoying witch in the planet sloped off and I locked up my office and wandered down to the second floor, trying to avoid other healers as much as possible- I wasn't in the mood for solving every problem ever today. I loved specialising as a Pediahealer, I adore children, but unfortunately all the healer interns get sent to me under the belief that just because I specialise with children I get on really well with insolent students.

When I finally reached the Magical Bugs and Diseases ward Morgan was sat, covered in dragon pox, with her arms folded and a look of pure determination on her face. I cast the protective charms, fixed my smile, and bounced over to her watching her face work very hard not to brighten.

"Hey Morgan" I said brightly, pouring the pumpkin juice into a goblet and sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Hi Lia" she said quietly, hiding behind her long brown hair.

"What's this I hear about you not drinking your juice?"

"Don't wanna. It's boring." Morgan said bluntly, coming out from behind her hair to study me, and the goblet, critically.

"I think it's yummy" I shrugged, pretending to have a sip.

Morgan noticeably started for a moment, as if she was about to jump up and rip the goblet out my hands, but thought better of it. Instead she shook her head and frowned, for a seven year old she drove a hard bargain.

"How about I turn it a different colour? Mix things up a bit?" I suggested, smiling at her noticeably more enthusiastic expression.

"Pink?"

My smile widening I tapped the liquid, watching her delighted expression as it turned a very sickly pink.

Taking the drink from me, Morgan adjusted her face into a more serious expression. "I'm only having it because you went to all this effort"

"Whatever gets you drinking it" I laughed, rising myself from the bed and making a mental note to get somebody to discover a way of mixing the Gunhilder Remedy Potion with anything other than pumpkin juice. Morgan hates pumpkin juice more than hospitals, or maybe even dragon pox.

**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**

An hour later I was surprised to see that the little carriage clock on my desk was reading 7pm, signalling the end of my shift. With a grin I removed my healer robes and was left in my muggle street clothes, so I'd be able to exit through the entrance easily. It was Friday night and all I could think about was getting home and having enough glasses of wine to help me sleep through the night.

I walked through to the reception with little harassment, when I was in my streets I was rarely noticed. However when I reached the exit I felt a drop right in the pit of my stomach and a sharp pain in my chest, for a moment I was sure. So, so sure. That it was _him_. That glimpse of long black hair. But the man carried on walking, and I knew I was getting my hopes up. He's in Azkaban I reminded myself, before taking that step forward back into reality.

When I reached the little, shabby flat I shared with Remus on the outskirts of London I was pleased to see that it was empty. After setting down my coat and bag I walked my usual path over to the cabinet in the kitchen. With a shaking hand I drew out the cheap wine we bought and slowly made my way over to the spindly, wooden table and sat at it. My hand shook as I poured a generous measure of it, swilling the deep red substance around in the glass before swallowing a large measure of it. I drew out my wand and flicked it over at the Wizard Wireless in the corner of the kitchen. The sounds of some cheerful new pop song filled the flat the words meaningless, singing about enchanting some poor wizard in love with this girl...

It was so warm where I was, was I in bed? Yes I could feel the covers I must be. Tentatively I opened my eyes to see my own room around me, and found I was in my pajamas. Lifting myself out of bed I felt the full effect of a bottle and a half of wine hitting me as I raised myself up, and wandered towards the kitchen. When I reached the kitchen I found my brother, reading the prophet, his sandy hair still messy and wearing his usual jogging bottoms and tshirt for sitting around the house on. My padding across the floorboards of the living room alerted him of my prescence and he set down his newspaper.

"Hi" I said sheepishly, pouring myself a cup of coffee and sitting opposite him.

"When are you going to stop this?" Remus asked, sounding more tired than I'd ever heard him.

A jolt ran right through me at his words, never ever had he actually called me on it. It was routine, just like putting out the bin or feeding the goldfish. I chose not to answer and looked down at my coffee. He audibly sighed.

"I hate it so much Lia. I shouldn't have to come home to find my little sister passed out at the table, I shouldn't have to help you into your pajamas. One Friday night or Saturday night I'd like to come home and not have to it. It hurts too much" he said, his voice thick and his eyes full of pain I didn't want to see.

"You used to help me when we were little" I said lamely, that comment hurt him too. Why did I keep hurting him?

"Yeah. When we were little. Then I went off to school and you became independent and strong. Please be that girl again, it's been two years now, two long years"

My eyes flashed. "Don't talk about that Remus, don't talk about...about...him I can't do it. It hurts too much" I croaked, my heart beating faster than it ever had.

"You're never going to feel better if you don't! We sit here and pretend it all never happened and it's wrong! Pretending it never happened means pretending James and Lily and Peter never existed! How could you do that? Lily was your best friend Lia!" Remus was stood up and shouting now, the repressed pain of two years spilling out of him now.

"Because it's too hard Remus, too hard" I sobbed "When I think about Sirius I feel grief. Like I lost him. And it's the worst pain ever, okay?"

"Unless you feel things you will never know you're alive. You're a shell of who you once were and no more, Sirius took too many lives. Don't let him take yours too" Remus pleaded, standing up and holding me in his arms.

**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**

I never thought I'd be able to do it, but I was here the very place I thought I'd never make it to. Their grave.

"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death" I breathed, overcome with emotion.

Remus had wanted to come here with me, but I told him if I was going to get better I was going to have to do this alone. Although I felt grief wash over me I felt relief too, and my heart seemed lighter than it had in years. I could recognise the feeling now, the feeling was acceptance. Acceptance that I could never have changed things, that Sirius had just changed into a different man. He wasn't the same man I fell in love with and now it was time to move on, and just be greatful I was spared in his betrayal.

"I miss you Lily, James" I whispered, wiping away a few stray tears.

I conjured some flowers and left them before walking down the little winding path leading away from the graveyard and back out into the quiet, street. As I reached the gate I heard a twig snap behind me. Turning quickly round I saw a flash of black, then it was gone. My mind must have been playing tricks on me, trying to make me spiral back to how I had been behaving the night before. This time however, I would not go home and drink it away I would ignore it. It wouldn't be him and I was foolish to even let myself hope that it is.

When I got home I felt myself automatically walking over to the kitchen cabinet, but I stopped myself. No drinking tonight, it wasn't going to help. Instead for the first time in a long time I would make a proper meal for myself, and Remus if he wanted to join me.

As I was peeling some potatoes Remus walked out carrying his travel bag. His face brightened when he saw me.

"You're cooking again" he said happily, walking over to inspect the pot full of stew. "You weren't expecting me to join you were you?"

"No, not really" I replied returning his smile and now chopping them up. "I just thought it's been a loooong time since I have cooked so I thought it must be about time"

"That's really good Lia" Remus smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes were animalistic.

"Oh Merlin! I forgot that it was full moon tomorrow" I gasped, inwardly cursing myself for forgetting.

"Yeah, sorry that I won't be around sis" he said guiltily, inspecting me worriedly.

"I'll be fine Remus, going to the grave today...it's...it's...really given me some perspective on things"

"Good, I'd better get gone. I'll see you in a couple of days" Remus said, walking forward and wrapping me in an awkward hug.

"Bye, be safe" I said, smiling wryly.

Remus gave one last smirk before leaving the flat. I put the potatoes in and decided to do something I hadn't done for a while, floo my parents. Since that night where everything had been turned upside down I had avoided my parents, I'd still owl them but not see them face to face. I had only seen them at Christmas. My Mum and I used to floo each other about five times a week just to chat but I didn't want to see them, it reminded me too much of when I was happy. She cried when she saw me, and my Dad got choked up. We talked things through and I felt ten times lighter than I had in years. Today I was healing, and it felt amazing.

I felt like nothing was going to get at me now, that I had been through some of the worst things in my life and maybe now things will be okay. There was a rap at the door and I frowned, checking the clock. It was ten 'o clock and I couldn't help but wonder who would be round at this hour. I walked over to the door with a knot of dread that I had in my stomach every time I opened the door at night after seeing Remus there on that night.

Then I saw him. Severus Snape.


	3. Sleeping

_The nerves were coursing through my body like corrosive acid, tiny beads of sweat clinging to the very top of my forehead as I watched Michelle Law rise up and sit on the spindly little stool. I balled my hands into fists as I awaited my fate, this one decision would change everything. Slowly I let out a breath as I heard the shout "Hufflepuff!". Then I definitely started to panic, watching Professor Mcgonagall's mouth move to form the words I was scared of hearing the most, but she said them anyway. "Sacrillia Lupin"._

_All I could hear was roaring in my ears as I took the tentative step up to the elevated stage and sat down. The eyes of an entire school were on me and I felt my face flooding with colour. I examined the faces, catching my brother's tense face as I could tell he was inwardly praying I would be in his house. My eyes then flickered over the faces of his friends, letting them linger a fraction longer on Sirius, who was beaming at me. As I scanned the hall a pair of sad, black eyes caught my eye at the Slytherin. The boy was pale and skinny, with a slightly large nose and long black hair hanging slightly curtain-like at the sides of his face. His brow furrowed slightly as he realised I was looking right back at him, and he looked away a conflicted look filling his pale face._

_"This is one of the toughest sortings I've ever had, you could be placed anywhere. You are as ambitious and cunning as a Slytherin, as intelligent and witty as a Ravenclaw, you are definately as loyal as any Hufflepuff. However there seems to be something that is forcing me to choose Gryffindor for you, some outward force which I cannot control, as if the universe is telling me you are destined to be in this house" the sorting hat whispered in my ear._

_"Are you sure it's not my brother and my friends bewitching you?" I thought, watching James Potter in particular for any signs of bewitchment, though I struggled to find any._

_"You think I could be fooled by silly little third years? Of course not. It's beyond them that I can feel it. I can sense bravery and a nerve like no other. I feel I am obligated to place you there, though I am sure you will do well. It'll have to be GRYFFINDOR!"_

_There was a roar from the Gryffindor table as I descended down to my house, my eyes flickering back to the mysterious boy at the Slytherin table who looked disappointed then appeared to look away. Remus moved up a seat to make room for me as I recieved many pats on the back from fellow Gryffindors. He wrapped me in a vice like hug, beaming. I gave the mystery boy one last look as he watched me with unexplained sadness in his eyes._

_"Thought you were going to the dark side then" Sirius grinned as I sat down._

_"What makes you say that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him._

_"You kept looking at the Slytherin table" he shrugged, his eyes widening suddenly. I turned my head to see what was terrifying him so much and saw an exceptionally pretty girl with red hair cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall with startlingly green eyes giving him one of the worst glares I had ever seen._

_"Excuse me, not all of Slytherin are bad. I'd say there are some worse offenders on this table" the girl said loudly, a venom in her voice._

_Sirius muttered something under his breath, however it was clearly not quiet enough as the girl seemed to gain even more fire in her eyes._

_"Don't talk about him Black! Yes that's right I heard you! He's ten times the man you'll ever be" she was almost shouting now, the eyes of all the students on her._

_"Yeah...come on Sirius, Lily is right" James said, looking at the girl hoping for some approval but got none, instead met her lip curling in contempt._

_"Could we continue with the Sorting now?" Professor Dumbledore asked, chuckling at the disagreement happening._

_They all gave their apologies looking abashed and turned to watch the sorting again, and I__ blushed slightly then also turned to watch the rest of the sorting, the words of the sorting hat still ringing in my ears. Nothing was ever normal for me._

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_

_"Okay thankyou Professor Flitwick" I called walked briskly out of the charms classroom, late for Transfiguration. I had stayed behind to discuss a piece of work I had done which subsequently made me late for my next lesson. Mcgonagall would of course understand but even so, it was not worth the risk. She was known to be ruthless, and I didn't want to be on the end of a fierce telling off. As I turned the corner of the corridor to head down the staircase I was met by an unpleasant group. It was the Slytherin prefect accompanied by other members of his house, I assumed I was going to get in trouble. He was a prefect after all._

_"Well, well, well. A midget out on the corridors in lesson time. Tut tut" he taunted, flicking his silky blonde hair out of his eyes._

_"I...I...I was talking to Professor Flitwick I have a note with me if you just let-" I stammered, flushing a deep crimson._

_His friends laughed nastily as he smirked, interrupting me. "No, no that won't be necessary" he paused, studying me more carefully. "Hang on, you're Lupin's sister aren't you?"_

_I nodded, setting off a string of catcalls. "Look I have to go, I'm already late" I said trying to get around him, but he held his arm out and stopped me._

_"Now, now. You don't get along that easily. You see your brother and his friends were less than respectful to us, in fact if I remember rightly he put pepperup potion in our pumpkin juice last week?" the blonde boy said, turning towards his friends who agreed._

_"But that's my brother, NOT me" I said, annoyed now._

_"Oi, we don't do backchat" he said, creeping closer to me, his sickly breath right in my face. "You're a very pretty girl aren't you Lupin"_

_His wand was combing through my curls and I was back to being scared again, stepping away slightly, preying a teacher or someone would come along. "Leave me alone"_

_"I don't think I can" he purred, putting his wand to my throat. _

_"Lucius! There's a teacher coming" one of his group suddenly said, making Lucius step back and pant._

_"Shit! Come on guys, split up" he ordered, running off, the rest of his group splitting off except for one. The remaining group member turned round to reveal himself as the boy who had been watching me at the sorting. _

_"Why aren't you running?" I asked confused, instinctively backing away in case he was going to attack me._

_"There is no teacher" the boy said simply, walking away towards the staircase. I followed him out there, wanting answers. He turned at my footsteps and examined me. "I made it up, Lucius Malfoy is unpredictable. I wasn't sure what he would do to you"_

_"Why would you help me?" I asked, as we continued the walk down._

_"I don't know" he replied, turning down towards the transfiguration corridor._

_"What would Malfoy have done?" _

_"I don't know"_

_Making a noise of irritation I stopped him halfway down the corridor. "Do you know anything?"_

_The boy smirked at me. "I know you're late for transfiguration"_

_I studied him for a moment, letting a small smile betray the irritated face I had painted on. He smiled back, a little warily as if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to, but it was a real smile._

_"Thankyou" I said, turning away._

_"No problem Sacrillia" he replied, turning to walk up the corridor._

_I registered the fact that he knew my name and I didn't know his. "Hang on, what's your name?" I called._

_"Severus Snape" he shouted back before disappearing. _

_I stared for a moment at the place where he was stood before turning to go into my classroom, but for that moment- my mind was on Severus Snape._

__**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**__

I stared at him for a long time, unable to comprehend him being there. We hadn't spoken in seven years and hadn't seen each other for four. He was like a ghost, he was my past.

"Hi Lia" Severus said, his voice hollow and his eyes wide. It was weird seeing him looking so much older, more adult. He still had the curtain hair and slightly large nose, but he was lacking the acne and looked much more mature. Quite handsome really. His dark eyes were scanning me, probably viewing how much older I looked now. He is 23 and I am 21, both officially adults.

"Hello Severus" I half whispered, stepping aside from the doorway to signal him in. Severus bowed his head courteously, stepping into the hallway of the house- ducking under the door frame. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before leaning to give me a kiss on the cheek.

After the emotion of the day I found myself flinging my arms forward to wrap him into a tight hug, my arms around his neck. I heard him breathe out as his limp arms found their way around my waist as he buried his face into my hair. Letting myself sob he held me closer, rubbing my back and when I was finished he produced a tissue with his wand for me to wipe my eyes with.

"Thankyou" I said hoarsely, pulling myself away from him. "I have to go attend to dinner, it's in the oven, but you could join me?"

"I'd love to" Severus nodded, following me through to the kitchen. "How are you?"

I considered my answer for a moment. I could lie to him just like I had been doing for the past two years, or- the answer I favoured more- I could tell him the truth. "Better than I have been for a while, yourself?"

Severus considered me for a moment. "The same"

Automatically I walked towards the wine cabinet to grab a glass of wine for him when I remembered, there was none. Awkwardly I turned to him, embarassment clear in my face. "Erm- we don't keep any wine in the house any longer"

I caught the flicker of process going on in his eyes, as though he was coming up for his own reason as to why, and I was fairly sure it would be accurate. "No matter, wine isn't necessary for everything. A soft drink will do fine"

Gratefully, I accepted this answer pouring us both glasses of coke and setting them on the table before returning to the stove to retrieve the chicken, potatoes and carrots. We both sat at the table and he removed his long black travel cloak to reveal matching silky robes, he looked so different from who he was. So polished, so guarded, too perfect.

"You've done well for yourself then" I nodded towards his fine cloak as he draped it over the chair.

Severus looked guarded and embarrassed as he replied. "Dumbledore pays well I guess"

I nodded, attempting to figure out how to phrase my next question in a somewhat polite way. "Severus, I hate to ask but how did-"

"How did I get a job with such a good wizard after I had become such a dark one?" he finished my question, not looking or sounding particularly angry- more like he was expecting it. "I was very fortunate to find someone who was willing to overlook and forgive the mistakes I had made"

"I missed you" I admitted, blushing slightly. Today had been a day of realisation, that hiding my feelings was getting me nowhere. It hindered more than it helped. I didn't want to drift through life, only surviving by the thought of coming home to another bottle of wine. Things were going to be better now, I was sick of hurting. Sick of hurting the people I love. Hurting them like I hurt Severus.

Severus didn't smile, in fact he looked slightly pained.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" I apologised, regretting my decision almost instantly.

"No, no Lia don't" he looked more pained at my words. "Don't apologise. It just hurts because I feel the same, but I've never been like you. You have always been open, and I have not. Every time I have I have gotten hurt."

"Then how could you tell me all that?" I asked, finishing my meal and setting down my knife and fork.

"Have you ever noticed Lia, you ask a hell of a lot of questions" Severus said, rising up and collecting plates- ignoring my pleas for him to stop.

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do" he replied with a slight smile, washing the plates using his wand. "But I always liked that, inquisitive"

I bit my lip, letting hazel eyes meet black- the history between us was massive and it showed. Every word, every action was tense, unsure, hesitant. Things could never be the same as they were.

"I better go" Severus said suddenly, edging towards the door.

"You can stay here...if you want- you don't have to" I offered, kicking myself at how stupid I sounded.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, but nodded. "Thankyou, that would be lovely"

Relief flooded through my body, although I had told Remus I would be okay I actually doubted whether I would be able to restrain myself from drinking. Now I knew I could, also I didn't want Severus to walk back out of my life again.

"I am going to go to bed now if that's okay, could you show me where I am sleeping?"

"It'll be in my room, I figured it would be too weird to stay in Remus' room" I said, leading him towards my small, but neat room.

"That will be fine, thankyou for the meal and the place to stay" Severus said, bowing his head towards me.

"It was my pleasure, as I mentioned before, it was lovely seeing you" I replied, reaching for a hug. Not quite as intense as our first hug, more of a quick, unsure goodnight hug.

"Good night Lia"

"Good night Severus"

__**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**__

__I was sat in the living room, reading some medical journal to learn of new potions and spells that had been discovered. The development of medicine in recent years was incredible, magic beyond anything anyone had ever dreamed of. There was a bang behind me and I span round, leaving the journal forgotten. I stood up and wandered out into the kitchen area, fear and adrenaline coursing through me. I felt like someone was watching me.__

__"Lia" came a raspy voice behind me.__

__Then I saw him, he had his wand aloft and he was walking forward, a look of evil in his eyes. "CRUCIO"-__

**;x;**

"Lia, Lia! Wake up" someone was shouting, shaking me.

I opened my eyes to see Severus Snape, and I had to stop for a moment to process his being there. Finally I remembered and let out a shaky breath, accepting a glass of water he passed me with an equally shaky hand.

"Thankyou"

"You were screaming Lia, I thought something must of-" he said earnestly, stroking my hair before pulling his hand back, surprised with himself.

"Just a bad dream" I whispered resting the glass back down. "I'll get up now"

"What are you on about? It's two 'o clock in the morning, you can't" Severus protested, gently pushing my shoulders back down.

"I'm too scared to sleep" I said, my voice cracking and a tear escaping.

"What if I...what if I stay with you?" he suggested, a startling red filling his usually chalk white cheeks.

"Please" I whispered, reaching for his hand as I had done so many times before. He wrapped his fingers round mine and i stood and pulled him towards my room- he couldn't stay in there it would be too strange for him.

I pulled over the covers and lay under them, my heart racing, I felt him lie on the other side and with a shaking hand I turned off the light and finally went to sleep, a dreamless sleep.


	4. Eating

**A/N the flashback in this chapter is from Sirius' point of view**

**+ also, don't worry. this is definately not a Snape fic. he's just important to the plot.**

It was warm as I woke, I could feel someone against me, I felt safer than I had for a long time. I nuzzled my face into the pillow, smiling to myself. Then reality sunk in, had I gone back to my heavy drinking, pain blotting ways? And this time ended up with a guest in my bed? Fearfully, I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head to face who was accompanying me. With a gasp I extracted myself from the position we had been in, we had been spooning and his arm had been draped across me, whilst I had pulled back into him.

I watched the sleeping form of Severus Snape with the adrenaline still coursing through me, it was then that the sleep stopped clouding my mind and I could think clearly about why he was there. He had come to visit me and we talked, then we both went to bed and I couldn't sleep so he joined me, what confused me was how we had ended up cuddled up together. Hadn't we fallen asleep on opposite sides of the bed? Briskly I walked towards the door, slipping on my dressing gown as I went to sit in the kitchen, still mulling things over in my head.

About an hour or so later Severus walked into the kitchen, bleary eyed and with his hair completely askew. Tentatively he walked towards the table, sitting down opposite me and gratefully accepting a mug of coffee from me.

"Are you okay now?" Severus asked, looking worried. After all I had been sat, simply thinking, for an hour.

I tapped the mug with my wand, producing more coffee, before answering. Trying to avoid eye contact. "Yes, I'm sorry, I was stupid"

"Don't think that for a second" he said a little angrily, reaching as though to grab my hand, but drawing it back like it was fire. Embarrassed. Which was really the only word to describe how we had both felt since he had been there, it had been so long. So, so long since we had seen each other. We already had one of the most complicated relationships ever- this made it worse.

"Everyone has nightmares Lia, Merlin knows I do" he rubbed his prematurely lined forehead, finally catching eye contact with me. We looked at each other for a while with understanding, we needed to sort things out. "How do you feel about me returning the favour of dinner tonight? My treat"

With reluctance I let my guard down, and smiled. "Yes, dinner would be lovely"

**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**

After an afternoon on the muggle high street I had finally picked myself out a dress in dark blue with some slightly scary shoulderpads, I had been weary but the assistant assured me they were very popular now. I hadn't worn muggle type clothing since I was a teenager, but Severus really wanted to escape the wizard world who still persecuted him for who he used to be and hide out in Muggle London for a while. I didn't particularly mind, I think I wanted to too. Despite the assurance of the shop assistant I was still weary of the shoulderpads, she'd also recommended that I get my hair really large but I had always liked my hair long and curly. Princess hair.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the knock at the door, with a deep breath I went and answered- pausing in front of the door for a moment. Being a muggle was not something I was used to and I felt very self conscious, if Severus laughed at me I knew I wouldn't be able to come out at all. Taking the deepest breath ever I opened the door, to find him standing there in one of those weird matching jacket and trouser things (a suit I think?) and a bouquet of daisies.

Daisies were my second favourite flower, but not my first. My eyes threatened to water at the mere memory of my special purple flowers but I pulled myself out of it, knowing it was cruel to compare them. The Sirius I knew and loved was long gone, that man died the moment he told You-Know-Who where his best friend was. Sirius was gone and I had to deal with it, move on, evolve. However this recognition came with consequences of it's own, it was then I realised- did I want to move on with Severus Snape?

"You look so pretty Lia, that dress looks amazing on you" once again I dragged myself out of my thoughts, to recognise his compliment and blush lightly- feeling much less self conscious now.

"You look pretty good yourself Severus, the suit thingy really suits you! Remind me again why we have to wear horrible robes?" I grinned, taking the flowers from him with a thankyou and conjuring a vase for them.

"Oh I don't know, wizards are supposed to be covered up or something aren't they?" Severus shrugged, holding the door open for me and stepping aside to let me totter past, unused to heels. Sneakily I withdrew my wand and cast a leveling charm upon the heels and felt myself able to walk as though I was just wearing flat shoes.

Severus shot me a sideways glance, tutting. "Yes?" I raised an eyebrow, locking the door then checking the corridor before holding his arm to apparate.

"Sly witch" he shrugged once more, this time however, we were in an alleyway just off a busy Oxford street. Holding out an arm in a gentlemanly fashion I took it with my clutch bag in my other hand. I felt him shy away for a fraction of a second at the contact but he relaxed and gave me a reassuring smile. After a short walk we reached the restaurant and felt my face whiten as once again memories rushed back to me.

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**  
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_James Potter and I strolled casually down the corridors from their dormitories, fully aware of the attention we were receiving and well used to it. I smirked and tossed my thick, black hair out of my eyes and carried on my way- it was morning routine for me, but it didn't quite satisfy me the same anymore._

_"Prongs?" James turned at his nickname to look at me under round glasses. "Is it just me or is it getting to easy to get girls now?"_

_James scoffed at his friends ego. "Or maybe they are all just easy"_

_We both sniggered, earning us a filthy look from Severus Snape who passed the pair of us on his way to breakfast._

_"SNIVELLUS" James bellowed, but to his surprise felt my hand on his shoulder._

_"Leave it, I want to talk before we get to the Great Hall" I warned, wanting to carry on my conversation. James nodded for me to continue, as we rounded the corner and waited for the staircase to reach them._

_"I just want... a challenge. A chase, Sirius Black lives for the chase and I never seem to get them anymore" to prove my point I nodded over to a gang of Hufflepuff fifth years who were fluttering ridiculously, magically, long eyelashes at me. They had thought that I was nodding as a greeting, sending them swooning- which at that moment in time I was oblivious to._

_James grinned at me and stepped up onto the moving staircase. "Go for a Slytherin?"_

_"I've done that remember, Peter dared me. It was that troll Sylvia Parkinson as well of all people, whoever she breeds with is going to create an evil little monster" I grinned, remembering how even that was easy to do._

_"Well I dunno, what a poor, unfortunate life you must lead Padfoot, you have girls throwing themselves at you, wah wah wah" he mocked with a roll of his eyes and a disdainful look thrown in my direction._

_We stepped off the staircase and headed towards the entrance hall, clapping a fellow Gryffindor on the back as I passed. "Shut it Prongs, you get your fair share. Can't help you spend your life pining after Evans"_

_James didn't even blush completely unashamed, he merely shrugged his grin still on his face. "One day, you'll see"_

_"Right, and Wormtail won't be stuffing his face" _

_As we finally strutted into the Great Hall Peter Pettigrew was indeed "stuffing his face" full of cooked breakfast, if anyone was heading for high cholesterol it was him. It was harsh to say but that was probably as much as he would ever be known for. It was daily routine for the pair of us, well just me really, to scan the hall to see if there were any girls worth chasing. The outlook was definately not good, that was until I set my eyes on Sacrillia Lupin. She was sat there, listlessly twirling her spoon in her cereal her long, blonde curls hypnotising me in the way they fell down her back. Those round hazel eyes, which showed every emotion whenever it was felt by her. The perfect nose, the soft looking pink lips- a shock of colour in her pale face. I couldn't believe I had missed her beauty, all those girls. None of them amounted to her, and she had been right under his nose since she was ten and he was twelve, and now she had just turned fifteen and he was sixteen._

_"Siri? Come on" James said impatiently, in an inner battle with himself as to what was more important to him- food or Lily. A battle of his stomach and his heart. The only compromise in his mind was going and sitting at the table, he could see both that way._

_"What do you think about me and Lia Lupin?" I said distractedly, my eyes still on her as she finally rejected her cereal, deciding on a slice of toast instead heavy with jam._

_That caught James' attention. "Excuse me? Your best friend's sister? The girl you've known since a child? Lia. Lupin?"_

_"Just look at her, she's beautiful" _

_James gaped at his best friend, I could understand though. I had never called a girl beautiful, I had always said they were sexy, hot but never beautiful. "I can't even. I need some food, then I can give you some decent advice"_

_I let myself smile, then follow my best friend down to the table. Stomach aflutter with nerves I would not admit to anyone ever. She glanced up briefly, and offered me a small smile before her eyes flickered down, revealing themselves to be looking at a book. Lia was never surrounded by giggling, girly friends like most of the girls were in this school, there would usually be just one or two. Maybe a boy or two. But usually she ate breakfast with simply a book, and heavy eyes that weren't ready for the day ahead. Sacrillia Lupin was perfect, simple._

_Smirking to myself I noticed Remus wasn't present at breakfast, definately a good thing for what I was about to do. Part of me knew I should be wondering where my friend was, but right now I had to get my head in the game. Waving quickly at Peter I advanced up the table, my eyes set upon my target. I sat opposite her and her eyes flickered up to consider me for a moment before returning to her book._

_"Hey Lia" I leant forward and offered her what I believed to be a winning sort of smile._

_"Sirius" she __acknowledged, her eyes not leaving her book._

_"I wanted to ask you something" I continued, not to be put off by her lack of interest. Finally she shut her book over with the fraction of a sigh and finished her glass of orange juice, before giving me her full attention. "Do you want to, er.. go out with me?"_

_"No, thanks" Lia said, standing up, picking up her book and walking away from the table. I sat there my mouth hanging open accompanied by the uproarious laughter of my friends. _

_"What's so funny?" I growled at James as I went back up the table and sat next to my "best friends" and moodily grabbed a plateful of breakfast._

_"You, Sirius Black, rejected. Never happened before has it?" Peter was laughing, choking on his ridiculous sized portion of food._

_I gave the pair of them a pained smile and proceeded to moodily stab my egg and bacon with my fork, trying to work out how to get her to fall for me. Because she would, I got the chase that I wanted and I was certain I would win- even if it killed me!_

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_

_I spent the day doing nothing less than harassing the girl, I found out from her friends what lessons she was in and cornered her after each lesson, losing me about 20 housepoints for leaving lessons before dismissal but I was like a dog with a bone, er- wrong turn of phrase maybe. By about lesson three she stopped having a look of surprise at seeing me and by number four she hexed me out of the way. She didn't even come into the common room that night, and wouldn't tell her friends where she had gone- her friends wanted me to succeed and she knew that. That evening I tried to stay up and wait for her, but unfortunately fell asleep. Which amused Lily Evans no end when she came back from prefect duty to find me sprawled on the couch. She was also kind enough to change the colour of my hair with some kind of semi-permanent charm and used permanent ink to draw a moustache and beard to me._

_The next two days I continued, beard and hair colour would not stop me. Lia had been amused at the beard and told me she wanted to congratulate who did it to me, I said be my guest and of course she went to Lily Evans who was in stitches when she heard how much I had been rejected. Even though I would never admit it to anyone it was actually getting at me by that point, me and Lia had hit it off the moment we met, so what was so awful about me that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. _

_The third night was the moment I stopped, usually chasing a girl could take a while, but she would also give some indication of interest. I was getting nothing from Lia, so I could only believe she was not interested at all. It was sad, but I understood. So that night I sat with Remus, who had miraculously seemed unaware of the fact I was going after his sister, James and Peter as we played exploding snap. After about an hour, and many lost games, she walked through the portrait hole her eyes setting on me warily. When she saw I didn't go after her she went and set down her school books and drew her sketchpad from the stack and sat at the fire before beginning to draw._

_Some time passed and the fire started to die down. "Oi, Pads, you're nearest the fire go set it off again will ya?" James asked lazily, the snap game long since abandoned but he believed it was too early to go to bed so they all sat, planning pranks to pull on people._

_With a groan I pulled myself up and strolled over to the fire, drawing out my wand "Incendio" I muttered, starting to walk away to be interrupted._

_"No harassment tonight?"_

_I turned round again, to see Lia watching me curiously. "No, what's the point? You aren't exactly interested are you?"_

_"Who said that?" she smiled, she was such a headfuck it wasn't fair. With a deep sigh I sat myself down on the floor, on the opposite side of the fire and replied._

_"You didn't have to, you've made that very clear" _

_She was still smiling, it was actually quite infuriating. "Sirius have you ever heard people talk about you? Your reputation, isn't the most attractive thing to me. At all. Also, might I add, you've never shown these feelings before. It just appears that you ran out of girls so now I'll do"_

_I gaped at her, I hadn't considered that. Then again it had never been a problem before, girls had always been okay with it. "It's not like that, at all, I promise you! In fact the other day I was kicking myself for not noticing you earlier. You'd been right under my nose all this time, and something just clicked in me and I knew I had to try to be with you I felt something strong pulling me to you" _

_Lia blanched at my last words slightly, but pulled herself together. "You're a cheater, a manwhore"_

_"I'm not asking for a life long commitment Lia, I'm asking for you to try just one date for me. Then we see where it'd go from there. We are too young to worry about these things. All your friends want us"_

_"I'm one of your best friend's sister" she said lamely, nibbling her lip._

_"Stop with the excuses. One date, don't like me we don't date again. Please?" _

_"Okay" Lia nodded slowly, looking terrified at the idea but her eyes were telling me she was fairly sure of her decision. _

_Smiling at her I stood up, glancing back at Remus, who was dozing at this point. Peter and James however were watching the scene lazily, interested in the outcome. From the other side of the room I could see Lily Evans with a somewhat knowing smile watching what happened. _

_"Saturday night, meet me in fancy muggle clothes- but bring a cloak" I grinned, she looked at me curiously- about to ask why but I walked away. Some things had to remain a mystery._

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_

_It was Saturday night and I was sat in the common room in suit trousers and a shirt, I was aware that many of the inhabitants of the common room were staring at me, confused but I didn't care. James and Peter had led Remus off to do some prank on the Slytherins to keep him away from the common room, because we all knew how upset he would get. Finally after anticipation was starting to overwhelm me Lia walked out into the common room, she was wearing a glittery wrap dress and ridiculously platformed shoes, her hair just left long, blonde and natural. _

_"You look amazing" I grinned, which made her blush a deep, deep red._

_"Thankyou" Lia replied, appearing to be a little embarrassed and hastily draping her cloak around herself, which made her much more comfortable. I mirrored her actions and put my wand in my pocket and held my arm out for her to take._

_We walked in silence until we reached the mirror on the fourth floor, which we would be using to escape out into the Hogsmeade. I walked forward and pushed the mirror forward, making it revolve so we could step into it._

_"How did you find this?" Lia breathed, very impressed._

_I tapped my nose, signalling for her to walk away, in a mysterious manner which I could tell annoyed her no end. _

_"So where are we going, that requires muggle clothes and for us to use a mysterious passageway?" she questioned again, the pair of us walking down the long passageway leading to Hogsmeade._

_I tapped my nose again and she rolled her eyes. Eventually we reached another mirror, which Lia pushed then emerged from, in a bathroom. She looked around the room and I could tell that she knew the bathroom was familiar, but couldn't work out why. I held the door open for her and we stepped out into the busy pub, The Three Broomsticks comprehension dawning on her face. As we passed the bar I nodded at Jack the barman and we walked out into the brisk November air. I raised my wand hand and the Knight Bus came to a halt in front of where we stood. Lia looked up at it in amazement, she had obviously not used it before._

_"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. My name is Joseph Shunpike and I will be your conductor this evening" the tall, spotty man said in a monotone sort of drawl as I stepped up and payed for just the basic journey. "Take two of the beds of your choice, and tell us where you're headed"_

_"Oxford Street, please"_

_"Muggle London, eh? You look a 'lil young to be travellin' right now but I'll let you off" he nodded, hobbling to the front of the bus to tell the driver where to go. The bus appeared to be empty at this moment in time, so Lia and I took two beds at the bottom and as we sat down we caught each others eyes and couldn't help but smile. I knew she was dying to ask where we were going but for once she wasn't to be in charge of anything, at all. After a ridiculously short amount of time we reached oxford street and found ourselves in front of some swanky restaurant. _

_Lia gave me a sideways glance of confusion, then examined the menu at the front of the restaurant with a gasp. "Sirius, this is waaaaaaaayyyyy tooooooo expensive"_

_I smirked at her, I knew what I was doing. "Don't you worry your pretty little head" _

_We were seated in the __restaurant, with dubious looks from the Maître de but had no choice but to seat us as at this time the restaurant was not particularly busy. Lia was so easy to talk to, with other dates they just sat there and turned various shades of red whilst I showered them with ridiculous compliments. But with Lia we spoke about so many different things so easily, we laughed a lot and had intelligent, thought provoking conversation. She tested me intellectually in a way I'd never experienced before, of course I'm not saying that the other girls I dated were stupid, they just didn't speak about much that was interesting._

_After we both put our forks down after a magnificent cheesecake I revealed part two of my plan. "Put these trainers on" I grinned, magically enlarging a pair from out my pocket to give to Lia, who of course stared at me in complete confusion now._

_"What?"_

_"Trust me" I grinned, in what I hoped to be a charming way. Eyeballing me slightly warily, she gave in and took her shoes off- secretively shrinking them, then put them in my pocket before slipping the trainers on. Suddenly she clapped a hand to her mouth. "Sirius! Underage magic you dolt! Shit, we'll be found. Shit, shit, shit, shit-"  
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_I then covered her mouth and my charming grin turned into one of menace and evil. "We're gonna dine... and dash" I whispered, she opened her mouth to protest but I trapped it behind my hand. "The toilet window is large so we can sneak out, we will both go into the mens"_

_Lia shook her head in disbelief but when she saw me stand she knew she either had to do this, or find some way of paying for this meal- probably involving a stack of dishes. We both picked up our cloaks then walked casually towards the toilets to luckily find them empty. I gave her a boost through the window then climbed the basin myself, however there was a slight flaw in the plan- a cleaner walked in._

_"STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE! DINE AND DASH! DINE AND DASH! GET 'EM" the woman shrieked, as I stumbled in shock on the basin. _

_"Sirius!" Lia shouted, reaching for me and pulling me through the window. Bursting out through the front and back doors were two security guards._

_"Oi! Get back!"_

_I grabbed her hand and we ran faster than I had ever ran in my life, the security guards were chasing us and to add to our problems the loud and unmistakable noise of an apparation crack sounded somewhere behind us._

_"I TOLD YOU SIRIUS! I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" Lia screamed, though she didn't sound too angry, she sounded exhilarated. _

_"Get back here! This is the ministry!" was added to the shouts behind us, they were using careful language to make sure the muggles wouldn't suspect anything. "You are breaking the decree of-"_

_We never caught the rest as we kept running until eventually it appeared we had lost them. Once I was convinced they were gone I pulled Lia into an alleyway and she landed against me on the wall. For a little bit we giggled, trying to get our breaths back before we found ourselves staring into each others eyes, seriously. Both of us leant towards each other and met in a sweet, kiss at the end both smiling. Lia grinned and extracted her shoes from my pocket and held up her wand, about to cast the spell that would enlarge the shoes once more, then she appeared to remember and put her wand away. I however smiled cheekily._

_"Get ready to run" I said, still grinning and fastening her cloak around her. We heard the shout once more, ran, and never looked back._

_**x-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;x**_

I stared up at the restaurant, the memories suffocating me. What was I doing here? Why was I messing Severus about? I backed away, tears in my eyes and memories coursing through my mind, the man I always seemed to remember but always wanted to forget.

"I...I...can't Severus, I'm so sorry. I'm not worth it" I gasped, before running down the street and collapsing against an alleyway wall. Once again pushing the memory to the front of my mind. "No, no, no" I whispered, tears now streaming down my cheeks.

"Lia? Liaaa?" I could hear Severus' shouts, worry and sadness in his voice.

Wiping my eyes I diapparating, appearing in Godric's Hollow, next to the house. The house that ruined everything, the wreckage and tributes to Harry Potter filling it. I couldn't go home right now, Severus would follow me back. So I curled up in the wreckage, guttural sobs wracking through me, burning my throat, heart and mind. Nothing, made sense anymore. Nothing.


	5. Christmas

**Well as I write this it's 17 minutes into Christmas Eve so I feel it's okay to say it, Merry Christmas! And if you don't believe in Christmas then i'll go all American and say "Happy Holidays" whatever suits. **_  
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_I awoke on the rubble that used to be the Potter's house, unsure of why I was there at first but eventually I remembered. Slowly, I raised myself from the rubble my body aching all over- unaccustomed to sleeping in such a place. I knew it was cruel to Severus the way I ran last night, and I knew inevitably I should go home, and that there was a high chance he'd be there waiting for me. If anything I could be extremely grateful that Remus would not be there, his full moon rehabilitation always would last four days before he deemed it safe to return. With a wedge of guilt and regret in my chest I disapperated, reappearing in the hall of our flat._

_However, I was wrong about one thing. Remus Lupin was home. He was sitting on the stairs when I appeared and jerked up suddenly, walking briskly towards me and grabbing me by the arm, the slightly wild, animalistic werewolf look still in his eyes. "Where the hell have you been?"_

_"Let go of me!" I spat, wrenching myself out of his vice-like grip. I glared at him which he returned and stepped back from him slightly._

_"Where the hell have you been?" he repeated._

_I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "I just got freaked out and had to hide out for a while, okay. Where's Severus?"_

_Remus looked angrier. "In there" he jerked his thumb in the direction of the living room and I made to find him but Remus stopped me, grabbing me and pulling me back. "He owled me he was that worried, looked everywhere he thought you'd be"_

_"I'm a big girl now, big brother" I sighed, and he let me pass him this time. "Go back to your hidey-hole, full moon isn't over"_

_He snarled. "As you just reminded me, I am your big brother, and I'll make my own decisions. I will hide out in my room until it's over, don't disturb me!"_

_Remus made up the stairs as though I would be able to stop him. Under my breath I cursed him. "Oh don't worry, I won't!". Heading towards the living room, and to Severus, I hesitated for a moment. It took all I had in me to pull that door handle down and walk in. _

_I found him sitting on the couch, his shirt untucked, his suit jacket off, and his tie loose. Severus looked a mess, his hair was unkempt and his face pale and worried. He turned at the sound of the door and I saw relief flood through his face as he jumped up from the couch. _

_"Lia!" he exclaimed, rushing forward, his dark eyes and deep, droning voice sending a chill throughout me._

_"I'm sorry Sev, I freaked out" I confessed, guilt once again coursing through me._

_"It's okay" he offered, but I knew he had his full set of armor on, an extra set around his pride. _

_"No it's not, it's just...Sirius took me to that restaurant on our first date" His eyes closed instantly at the mention of Sirius and I raised my hand to his face. "I just think we should slow down, I'm clearly not completely over Sirius and you Sev, you aren't over Lily"_

_Severus tried extremely hard to cover the flicker of pain in his eyes at the mention of her name, but failed. I smiled sadly at the familiar pain flicker. "It's okay Severus. We both should move on, but that takes time okay" _

_Finally he offered me a smile, a small one, but a smile at least. "Okay, how does a walk to the park sound?"_

_"Sounds great"_

**_xoxoxoxox_**

"Lia! Will you hurry up!" Remus whined from the other side of the door. I'd been lost in memories and was trying to pierce my lip with my earring it would appear, realising this I pinned them into my ears. I had spent so much longer on my appearance than I normally would, my mother was so critical of what I did in every area so one minor slip could create a downward spiral. Finally settling with my appearance I reached for my wand off the dressing table and walked out of my room.

Remus and Severus were looking tense, they thought I didn't know that they argued whenever I wasn't around, but I understood why. Remus was part of Severus' tormentors, even if he wasn't a key player he still was a player- and to him that more than justified the grudge.

"You look stunning" Severus called over, looking relieved at my reappearance. Remus smiled and said the same whilst I blushed and thanked them.

"Right little Sis, Severus. You ready?" Remus asked, looking nervous himself.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I grimaced, grabbing Severus by the arm and diapparating.

We always apparated into the back garden, as our parents lived on a muggle estate, to be sure the neighbours didn't catch the miraculous appearance of us. The three of us approached the door and Remus reached out to squeeze my hand. I nodded and he knocked. Mum answered the door almost instantly, she had clearly been in the kitchen making the finishing touches to Christmas dinner.

She opened the door and beamed. "Merry Christmas! Christmas '83 imagine, where have the years gone eh? Come in, come in"

First Remus was grappled, and poked and prodded and told how skinny he was and I was asked if I was feeding him properly. I winced slightly before crossing the threshold, she had been supportive the last two years but now that I had clearly improved it was back to her old ways.

"Ah Sacrillia-" Also, she was the only one who always insisted on calling me by my ridiculous name. "You've gained weight"

In the reflection of the door I could see Severus openly gaping behind me, Remus barely gave off any emotion, after all we were used to it.

"Thanks Mum, you're looking well" I smiled as best I could and moved out of her hug. "Er- this is my friend, Severus Snape"

My mum's eyes widened in surprise and the queen of tact that she was she almost completely turned her back on Severus to throw Remus a shocked look, Remus and his friends spent a lot of time at our house and she'd heard all about Severus Snape. Throwing him an apologetic look I crossed the kitchen to stand with Remus, who patted me on the back.

"Nice to meet you" he said awkwardly, Severus had never been great socially, never mind with my mother.

"You too... Severus" she gave him a quick hug then let him pass, and I couldn't help but giggle slightly at the look of relief on his face.

He reached me and I leaned towards his ear. "I'm sorry about her, sure you don't want to back out?"

"No, I'll be brave" he whispered back, making me set off in giggles again.

Remus stayed to talk to my mother in the kitchen and Severus and I decided to avoid that room as much as possible and went of meet my Dad. He was sat on his favourite chair reading the Prophet shaking his head at whatever he was reading. I indicated to Severus to stay where he was and slowly crept towards my father and planted him a kiss on the cheek.

Dad jumped slightly before realising who it was and his once very handsome face split into a wide grin. "My beautiful Lia! God you look 10 times better since last Christmas honey, it's so good to have the old you back"

I hugged him tightly back, breathing in his firewhiskey and cigar smell that I'd known all my life. "What were you shaking your head at?"

"The new proposal to ease things up in Azkaban, such as get rid of some dementors and provide more nutritious food. I mean honestly some of You-Know-Who's darkest supporters are in there I don't know what they think-"

Dad stopped suddenly when he saw my face, and he closed his eyes sadly. I knew I must look like I was about to faint, I was more than familiar with this experience happening, and everyone would always end up saying the same thing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think"

Then I did what I always did when this happened. Let the colour run back into my face, put on a smile, and say "No it's okay, why should you think about it? It's true"

Severus and I sat down then, trying to cast away some of the awkwardness from the room. After stilted small talk we were finally called the dinner table by my mum. She had set aside two seats side by side for Severus and I, whenever I brought Sirius she always sat herself next to him. My dad was always head of the table and she sat next to Remus. The turkey was served and we ate in silence for a few moments before,

"So Remus I see once again _you _didn't bring a date" my mum said, delicately putting her tiny forkful of potato to her mouth.

Remus wriggled uncomfortably and mumbled "I just haven't met the right girl yet, I guess"

"Or learnt how to talk properly either" she scolded, as much as she wasn't on Remus' back as much as mine that didn't mean she didn't like to mollycoddle and pick at him. "I'm starting to think your gay"

Severus spluttered on his mouthful of turkey and I patted his back, catching my Dad's eye and we both had to bite our cheeks to stop from laughing.

"Yes dear?" she directed at Severus, eyebrows raised.

He started to redden, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Nothing, I just couldn't imagine Remus gay"

"That's because I'm not" Remus protested, but not loudly enough, in fact it was almost like he didn't speak, the way my mother didn't acknowledge his words.

"Hmmm, I don't know, I could" my mother smiled, patting my brother on the back in a way which I was sure she believed to be encouraging, making me giggle again. "I always thought he had a thing going with Sirius"

Involuntarily I blanched slightly again and I saw my Dad throw her a look, willing her to stop. However she didn't, of course she didn't. My mother always meant well but it never came across that way. "No offence to you Lia dear of course but I came up with a name for the two of them, "Wolfstar", you could write stories about it, a forbidden romance and all that"

I was just gaping openly and rudely at that point, I couldn't even be offended, I was in that much disbelief. My mother always drank too much on Christmas day and it was showing now, her tongue loosened considerably.

"Look, Sarah, maybe you should stop now-" my Dad said in a weak attempt to intervene.

"I'm just saying, it doesn't stand now obviously, who knew Sirius would go down such a dodgy path. I always thought if he didn't stay with Lia he would probably be with Remus, I did always like the man. Not anymore obviously, he's no better than one of You-Know-Who's disciples, if I had any idea-"

"Stop!" I said suddenly, letting my fork clatter to the table and disturbing her monologue. "Just stop mother. 1. Remus is not gay. 2. Sirius is definitely not gay 3. He did something awful and he broke my heart, so he shouldn't be conversation anymore okay. So just stop"

I was close to tears at this point when suddenly the timer in the kitchen went off for the dessert to be taken out of the oven, I stood up with tears in my eyes. "I'll get it"

As I was leaving I heard a buzz of conversation and I knew it was my Dad and Remus telling my mother off for her behaviour, which happens almost every Christmas also. I shut the kitchen door and took the apple pie out of the oven and set it on the counter. This was one of my worst Christmas' ever, the only Christmas' it beat was the last two and that was only because I was in some kind of depression. I knew who was missing, I know who would normally control my mother, joke with my father and be the best friend to my brother and it was Sirius, it always was. I missed him more than I admitted recently, it felt wrong on Severus to be still thinking about someone else even if Severus and I were not officially dating. But as much as I thought, I couldn't help but let memory wash over me...

_"I love you" Sirius said quietly into my ear. _

_I'd jumped with a start, I had gone out into the kitchen for a breather away from the table and was so lost in thought I hadn't heard him approaching. Once I registered what he said I turned with a smile forming on my face. _

_"You do?" I asked, my grin widening. _

_Sirius shook his head, I could tell he was embarrassed, we always had a relationship built on banter and laughter. We were rarely ever this serious with each other, excuse the pun of course, and for him to take the step forward by himself was rare and meant a lot._

_"Of course"_

_"I love you too" I smiled wide again, my eyes burning with tears slightly, I'd never really been accepted until Hogwarts, never loved by anyone but my family. Until Sirius Black. We had been together for two and a half months now and hadn't said it yet, but i'd felt it for a while. Basically, I was hooked from the moment we met. _

_He was originally just going to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas, as he didn't want to intrude on the Potter's at Christmas. Sirius knew they would insist for him to come with them so he pretended he had a place to go. At the time of course he hadn't realised that his lie would come true, as my mother insisted instead that he come here, and eventually he realised it wasn't a choice. it was an order._

_"Well, that's good" he span me round to face his achingly handsome, grinning face. I returned the grin, and put a hand to his face before leaning in and kissing him, tenderly and softly, closing my eyes and just wanting to be there with him forever. Of course that's never the way things turn out, is it?_

_"Lia? Mum wants to know if you could get the pudding ou-" Remus began, going a deep red and stuttering. "S..s.s..sorry di..d..didn't mean to interrupt" and he backed back out of the room._

_Sirius and I stood there laughing-_

"Lia? Are you okay?" I was interrupted out of the memory itself by Severus Snape, who walked quietly into the kitchen and shut the door behind him.

I sniffed and gave him a genuine smile. "Yeah, I just needed a minute"

Severus smiled back, looking somewhat relieved. "Okay"

Suddenly as we tried to walk back out into the dining room, and back out to confrontation we couldn't move at all. With a sigh I looked up at the ceiling to find my Mum's usual enchanted mistletoe.

"Is it that enchanted stuff?" Severus asked, the blush that was forming was startling against his pale skin.

"Yes" then I smiled even wider "It's really creepy considering it's mostly just family who will be in the house but I guess we'll have to kiss"

"We don't have to if you don't-"

I smiled again. Then just leant forward and kissed him, it was a chaste simple kiss but it was a start. The charm holding us there let go of us and we stepped away from the mistletoe.

But as he started to walk towards the cupboards to grab some bowls for pudding I stopped him, pulling him back by his shoulder. I kissed him again, properly, and as I closed my eyes I couldn't help but picture Sirius. I knew it was wrong, and cruel to him but it made me feel so much better, and in his head I knew the chances were that I was taking the form of Lily. This time, Remus didn't interrupt either.

Merry Christmas.


	6. Azkaban

**Sorry, I know it's been a while, it's exam time again unfortunately.**

**Thank you to my er only reviewer DarkFireAngel00, I know you are getting impatient with me but I promise you it will all be worth it, and it's not a Severus/OC fic- there's a turning point coming.**

**More reviews would be lovely, even just to confirm people are reading :) **

December 1988 (5 years later)

I stared at the wall and let my hand continue to pour the pepper up potion, finally realising that I was overflowing the tankard considerably I stopped. Swearing under my breath I waved my wand and the spilled potion returned to it's bottle. In my mind a while ago I had made the decision, but the closer I got to the date I had set to carry it out the colder my feet were getting. It was inevitable that this would happen, it was easier to shy away and hide. Fake a relationship with a friend, but I had to face things up front. Severus and I's relationship wasn't real, it was a charade, and I knew there was one man causing a mental blockade. In my head I told myself if I faced him head on that the wonderings in my mind would stop and I would be able to give myself fully to Severus. Maybe.

There were very few children in St. Mungo's at this time of year, parents chose to keep their children at home, fearing that they would not be home for Christmas. Only the serious cases were here, which was slightly sad in a way, and had allowed for me to avoid Severus and have my wandering mind on something else. It worked, until I got home from my twelve hour shifts where I would dream about him, in my nightmares he would kill me and in my good dreams we were like we once were. The saddest thing was, i was unsure which was worse. The fear or the longing, both were relentlessly painful.

The following day I recognised it was time, time to see _him_. I could not back out now with no valid reason, my ministry friend pulled a lot of strings to get this visit as it was not usual practice- especially not to a high security prisoner. For the day I had dressed as nondescript as possibly, I was not there for him, I was there for me. The wizard I met to escort me to Azkaban I was unfamiliar with, though he appeared fairly muscly and bulky so I could assume he was the ministry's hired muscle for dangerous things like this. He greeted me with a nod and not much else, though I could appreciate that nobody would want to go to Azkaban in their right mind. We sat in silence on the grim boat trip, as the boat slowly made it's way towards the desolate outline of the prison on the rocks, my mind swimming. What would I say to him? It had been seven years. I couldn't exactly go up to him and be like "Hey, so I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd visit..." I mean, come on. All too soon we were there, and in the continued silence the wizard moored the boat with a flick of his wand, his muscular arms reassuring. He reached out to pull me up and together we made our way up the jagged walkway leading to the tall rectangular tower.

Approaching the tower you could immediately feel the depressing air settle over you, the coldness prickling your skin as the threatening black cloaked beings floated around outside. As we reached the large wooden door three dementors swooped down on us, instinctively I drew out my wand and took a step back. The wizard seemed unfazed by them and spoke to them clearly in a gruff, harsh voice with an accent I couldn't quite put my finger on, and I wondered if they understood.

"We have Ministry permission to be here, if you harm either of us you will be destroyed. Understand? They have permitted us to use patronuses, if you get in the way of them it is your fault. Understand?"

The dementors seemed to understand, as they glided back away at his words. With a triumphant air about him he cast a patronus, which was surprisingly a non-corporeal one which acted more of a shield. Slightly smugly I cast my own, which was corporeal, which took the usual form of a wolf. The wizard momentarily looked impressed before putting his hard face back on and opening the door, which had no locks, which was the biggest shock.

"Why are there no locks?" I asked slightly timidly, unsure of if he would want to speak to me.

He looked at me in surprise as we walked down the rows of prisoners, but seemed glad of a distraction from the sunken faces of the prisoners. I too chose to not look at them and stared at the floor, ignoring the mutterings as they talked to themselves and foul stench that filled the prison, with the cold and depressing air of the dementors. Our patronus's were the main source of light, other than the small windows which only gave in the grim light of the stormy day.

"Have you felt the atmosphere in here? That's all they need to keep the prisoners in, it's more like an asylum" the distaste was clear in his voice and his face as he surveyed the surroundings.

"Do you not feel they deserve it though?"

He looked at me with a troubled look on his face. "Some of the worst people known to wizardkind are in here, but I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's mental torture, at least in an asylum they were already mad. The depression makes them go mad, the dementors possess all their happy thoughts and leave them only with the worst. Dementors are the worst creatures on the planet"

I agreed with that, if I was honest I hadn't thought there was much to him. It was harsh, I knew that, and you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but I had thought he was your standard securitywizard, nothing more nothing less. But he seemed different from the others, I quite liked that. We continued the walk in silence as he respectively left me to my thoughts when we finally reached Sirius' cell. The securitywizard told me he would wait a little away from the cell and to come get him when I was done, he conjured a chair for me and walked away.

"Sirius" I said as loud as I could manage, but I was certain it was only a whisper.

His head snapped round at my voice, his eyes glowing in the light of the patronus. I raised a hand to my mouth as I saw him, what he had become. Sirius' hair was matted and hung to shoulder length, his beard ungroomed and tatty. His robes were ragged and baggy, suggesting he was malnourished and wasting away. This was definitely evident in his face as his skin had sunken into his skull, his eyes slightly popping out of his head. They were the worst bit, his beautiful grey eyes which sparkled indefinitely looked like they had been scrubbed down until he was left with dead eyes that weren't really there.

"You aren't real" he replied, his voice raspy from lack of use, his eyes mistrustful as he backed away from me again, as though I was a ghost or apparition out to get him.

"I promise you, I am Sirius" I said, voice cracking from the effort to not cry, I didn't want him to see me cry. He didn't deserve that, not after what he did.

"You're just my imagination, punishing me again" Sirius replied, turning away from me, his eyes haunted.

"Even if I am, it means you get to see me again. Is that not worth something?"

Sirius slowly turned round, considering me, then slowly nodded, and I knew that meant he would allow me to stay there. To get the answers I had waited seven years to receive.

"_Did _you do it?" I asked timidly, not wanting to hear the answer but knowing I needed to at the same time.

He smiled, with no humor or happiness inhibiting it, it was a smirk more than anything, as though he knew the movement his face used to make but didn't have the emotion to give it meaning. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.

"It was my fault" he admitted bitterly. "I killed James and Lily"

My heart sunk, part of me was praying to be told different, that there would be some great reason why he was in this sad, sad place. It was a mix up, they got the wrong guy, anything. But he sat on the cold floor and told me straight, any sign of the fight he once had gone, along with the man I had fallen in love with. The man I loved had as good as died and I couldn't bare to see the evidence in front of me.

"Okay then, why did you do it?"

"It was a mistake! It wasn't meant to happen that way" Sirius said, the distraught expression on his face, his hands clinging to his hair as he sank further down on the stone floor, his breath raspy and the ghost of his best friends clear in his eyes.

"Sirius" I said softly, tears now coursing down my face. "Calm down"

"How the fuck can I calm down Lia?" he shouted, jumping up and walking closer towards me, making me involuntarily back away. "See! You can't even be near me anymore! I can't even fucking top myself in this place, they put enchantments on the cells to stop you! The only thing that keeps me the slightest bit sane is the thought of you, but even that doesn't last long. So then I have to think about Peter. Peter fucking Pettigrew"

A nasty expression crossed his face, and I couldn't believe he would say such a thing.

"You clearly have no remorse for killing him either" I shook my head in disgust, the tears still forming.

"Killing him?" Sirius laughed, with no humour behind it. "You are such a fool Lia, it's funny I always thought of you as clever. Perhaps this head-version of you is the real you and I never saw it before"

That stung, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I let my face fix into one of disgust. "You are nothing but a murderer Sirius Black, why should I listen or let myself be hurt by you? You absolute asshole"

I felt like I was being fair there, what I really wanted to say to him was "You are a different person completely, the real you is dead" but a bit of me still, and always would, loved him. I could never say such a thing to him, despite the truth of it. All the same he recoiled from me, malice etching across his withered face, his eyes showing the first passionate emotion of the day, anger.

"You bitch! Don't you fucking talk to me like that! You have no idea what I've been through" he screamed, walking back away from the bars and pacing fiercely, his knuckles white with the suppression of his rage. His eyes were fixed on the walls, which had several scratched in tallies which could only be him counting down the days he had been there, to keep some kind of touch with the outside world. "FUCK YOU!"

The securiwizard intervened at this point, doing his job and standing protectively in front of me. He turned his head round a fraction to lock his hazel eyes with mine before speaking quietly. "I think it's time to go now"

"Kelso" Sirius said quieter now, addressing the securitywizard with recognition, clearly they had met before.

"Black" Kelso replied with a nod, his eyes wary and his hand firmly clutching his wand. He returned his attention to me. "I'll wait a little down here again whilst you say goodbye, shout me if you need anything"

"Thankyou" I smiled, or tried to, who knows how it actually turned out.

Sirius watched Kelso's retreating back until he stopped, then his haunted eyes flicked back to me. He had had time to calm down and was back to looking in pain.

"Kelso's a good guy" he said quietly.

"You've met before?"

"Yeah. He's one of the Ministry's top securitywizards he's often here with the more official ministry wizards. He'd be great for you"

I looked at Sirius in surprise then brushed it off. "No I can't I mean I'm wi- not interested in him" I backtracked quickly from almost telling him I was with Severus, he had hurt me and wasn't the man I fell in love with but that didn't mean I would be petty. Sirius was better not knowing.

"Consider it"

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying and failing to seperate the pain from my voice. "Why are you setting me up with people?"

"Because you should be happy" Sirius said, as though it was obvious.

"But I thought you didn't think I was real" I stuttered slightly.

"I could never conjure you up so accurately in my head Lia" he said sadly. "You are too beautiful, even though you're trying to not look that way, dementors don't allow beauty to exist in your mind. Only to torture you with, and they don't have the skill to go into this much detail"

Biting my lip so hard it bled I restrained tears again, and only gave a cold voice. "Stop Sirius" I tried to keep it devoid of emotion but I wasn't sure I succeeded. "You are making this too hard. I just wanted answers, and I got them. You did it. You were a lesser, evil and treacherous man. I hope you find peace"

"I wouldn't deserve peace. Just be happy Lia, don't hold onto the memory of me. I'll never get out of this place, it was all my fault."

With a nod I turned away from him and let the tears freely fall again, my patronus faltering with my sadness, leaving only a wisp. Kelso greeted me with an encouraging smile, having warmed up considerably from his original cold exterior. He directed his patronus towards me and led me out, and away from Sirius Black.

We made our way through the prison and to the boat in silence but Kelso chose to break it, after a quick check to see whether I had stopped crying, which I had done.

"I'm sorry it was so difficult for you" he said sincerely.

"Why? It's not your fault. I always knew it would be hard, but it was necessary, for closure"

Kelso nodded, pulling at the paddles, a thoughtful look on his face. "I guess so"

For whatever reason those words finally triggered recognition within me. "Hang on, your accent, your American- aren't you?"

He smiled at me slightly bemusedly. "Yes m'am"

I smiled back, a genuine one this time, finally feeling the closure with Sirius I had been talking about for so long. My heart was still breaking slightly, but I didn't long for him the same, it reminded me of when my Nana died- it was painful and I missed her like hell but she was dead and there was nothing I could do but move on, because the person is gone and never coming back. The only thing that in a way made it worse was that he wasn't dead, but alive and a shell of a person. Finally, I was ready to be 100% happy, starting today.

"What's your name?" I asked, realizing I never bothered to properly asked, I only knew him by his profession for a while then his surname.

Kelso grinned, still a little confused but more than happy to lift the sad atmosphere. "Lars Kelso, yours?"

"Sacrillia- or as I prefer to be called- Lia Lupin"

"You've got a real interesting name" Lars commented.

"And you have a really American one!" I replied, smiling again in spite of everything. Sirius' words ringing in my ears "He'd be great for you". The thing that well and truly scared me was how appealing the idea was, he was charming and suave and intelligent. i had never felt that way about Severus, ever. Most of all, hearing Sirius' consent made it better, I'd felt like I was cheating on him with Severus but now it felt justified. Then again, me being with Severus Snape would never be justified in his eyes. Ever.

Lars laughed, a hearty, infectious and slightly barklike laugh, which soon had me joining in, a little tentatively.

"So" Lars said as we reached my front door, after his insistence to escort me home, claiming I was too emotional to go alone right now. "Would you want to see me again?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Not like that, I mean, no, I... a girl like you must have a boyfriend-" he stammered, his cool facade slipping slightly.

"As friends you mean" I rescued him from making a fool of himself.

"Yes"

"Well I think I would, you're a cool guy Lars, more to you than appears" I nodded, letting myself get a little lost in his eyes.

"You too, Lia" he leant forward and kissed my cheek in a gentlemanly manner, my mind drifting to another kiss. A kiss which ruined everything.

**xoxoxox**_  
><em>

_I walked quickly to our meeting place, my eyes flicking around to see if anyone could see me. It seemed stupid, to be pursuing our friendship like it should be hidden, like it was a bad thing. We had never made our friendship exactly public but we didn't conceal it like a dirty secret that must be swept under the rug, he hit the nail in the coffin by calling Lily Evans "mudblood", since then any- not that there were many- Gryffindor/Slytherin friendships were frowned upon especially with the rise of Voldemort. Finally I reached the wall of the seventh floor corridor and closed my eyes, picturing our meeting room. As it always did the door appeared and I walked into the room, to reveal the comfy couch and various games and books that always appeared in the room._

_Severus was already there, sat on one end of the couch looking faintly pissed off. I already had guessed what his problem was, it had been a month since Sirius and I's first date and we had officially started seeing each other about three days ago. News travels fast at Hogwarts, especially when it concerns James or Sirius so it was unsurprising that it would reach him eventually. I sat somewhat tentatively at the other side of the couch, not looking him the eye._

_"So" Severus said, in his drawling tone, turning to look at me in a daring sort of way. "You and Black, eh?"_

_Swallowing I forced myself into answering. "Yes" Oh great, a whisper. Make myself look guiltier, great._

_"Why?"_

_I just threw him a confused look, and with a deep sigh he elaborated on his original question. "Why him, after everything Lia?"_

_"You don't know him like I do" I said with some dignity._

_Severus made a noise of contempt and moved closer to me on the couch, an action which made me feel uneasier than I was willing to admit. Bravely I tilted my head to look him in the eye, which had a look I had never seen before. "Have you not seen the way him and Potter have treated me the past four years you have been at this school?"_

_I sighed, getting ready to leave, but he gently grabbed my wrist with his hand and pulled me down. Irritation flashing in my eyes I was ready to defend him, the true Sirius that Severus would never know. "He is a good _man _before he acted like a boy, a stupid bully, but neither of them are like that any more Severus. Do you think Lily would even speak to him if he was?"_

_He made an involuntary movement out of fear or anger which made him closer to me on the couch, and I felt my breath coming out in puffs. _

_"Lily doesn't know what she's doing! She'll forgive him for years of torment but me? One word and that's our years long friendship gone for ever. I bet she's fucking Potter, and his unworthy, lousy-"_

_This side of Severus was new territory for me, this was the side of him Lily had warned me of, she'd seen that we had been friends and warned me off him. I chose not to listen to her, he may have bad friends but I always felt like he would never hurt me, now I was not so sure._

_"It always comes down to Lily with you. You are so in love with her and-"_

_I was stopped midsentence by a mouth meeting mine. Severus had stopped me by taking me by surprise. I pulled away from him, by pushing his head, but he took that as an act of passion and by extension an invitation to continue assaulting my mouth. Finally I had gotten a little over my shock and found the force to push him away from me and leap up from the couch. Was this what he wanted me for? Thinking the only way to continue being my friend was to try and tease me away from Sirius? Or was it general feelings for me? _

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing Severus?" I spat, flattening down my hair as it had gotten ruffled in the struggle._

_"I-" he began, but appeared to blanch. "I just thought-"_

_"That you would stop me from seeing Sirius? Putting a claim on me not out of genuine feelings but so the same doesn't happen again like it did with the love of your life? It's pathetic"_

_I started to walk towards the door, somewhat certain I wanted nothing more to do with him. This was the man I had stood by whilst he lost Lily and appeared to become more and more enticed by the dark side. Well this was his true colours showing, his true selfish colours and I despised them._

_"I do genuinely like you, just not like her. I'm sorry"_

_His voice was quiet and slightly dangerous sounding but still apologetic, a strange combination I had no interest in exploring. Not anymore. I too had had enough._

_"I don't want to see you anymore Severus, you are becoming darker by the day. I hope these friends and this group bring you some kind of happiness, if anything. Because I certainly don't condone it, and you know that. Last chance and you blew it"_

_After that day I never looked back to him, until five years ago, when I finally let him in._

**xoxoxoxox**

"Lia?" Severus of the present's voice filtered into my memories. "Did you hear what I just said, girl?"

He had come over not long after I had visited the prison, I had not intended to tell him that I was visiting Azkaban but he had gotten it out of someone somehow. However it was too late for him to talk me out of it so he compromised by coming over and cooking me dinner to return to. We had eaten our dinner and remained at the table, my mouth making the conversation whilst my brain traveled elsewhere.

Blushing slightly I shook my head. "No, sorry, how rude of me. Could you repeat it?"

Severus shook his head, his lips pursed slightly but nevertheless continued. "Will you move in with me?"


	7. Moving

_My quill was working it's way fast and furiously across the parchment as I wrote my report on the uses of dragons blood in modern healing. As I began to write the next line I felt a pair of lips assaulting my neck once more._

_"Sirius" I sighed, batting him away. "I need to get this essay done for tomorrow" _

_Sirius made a whiny noise and rolled away on the bed from me, he hadn't been given an order mission for a while and was getting restless. The problem with Sirius getting restless was that it meant he got frisky. When he got frisky it made it almost impossible to work, but in between Healer School and Order missions we didn't get a lot of time together so any time we did get we spent together- even if it meant I was supposed to be working. It didn't help that I was living at home to keep up with the costs of Healer School and living at home meant obeying my fathers rule of keeping the door open. A rule Sirius was not fond of. _

_"Are you nearly done?" he whined, messing with the volume control of the radio. _

_"Almost. Would of happened a lot faster if you weren't harassing me" I warned him, dotting my full stop with a little more force than necessary._

_To the left of me I could hear the sound of someone mimicking what I said in a ridiculous voice. "How old are you?"_

_"Nineteen, nearly twenty" Sirius replied slyly._

_"And I have just turned eighteen and act more mature than you" I replied irritably, finally finishing my conclusion and rolling the parchment up. Sirius perked up considerably at this action and even helped me tidy away my books, for once stacking them carefully rather than throwing them haphazardly onto the shelf- a miracle. Once finished he pulled me towards him and found my lips with eagerness, and subtly pulled me back onto the bed. We stayed like that for a while, kissing until we both needed to come up for air, then we would go again- each time the passion would increase. The problem was Sirius always lost control, and again like the many times of our three year relationship he let his hand slide up my leg. My reaction time would vary each time depending on how much restraint I had today, but unfortunately for him today I knew what I was doing._

_"Sirius, no" I told him, gently moving his hand and letting our fingers intertwine._

_"Still no sex til marriage?" he asked miserably, the disappointment in his eyes._

_"Still"_

_It was a tradition in my family to not have sex until after marriage, nothing to do with muggle religion like he often accused me of, just a tradition followed by the females of the family. I always pretended I hated it but in actuality I liked it, it meant I could be sure the man I give myself to is willing to be with me, rather than just using me. In a way it was actually quite funny it would be Sirius to be the one I was holding out for, considering the reputation that had preceeded him. I was his longest relationship, and Lily and James reckoned I was the only girl he had ever loved. Sirius had started getting more passionate and romantic since the Potter's wedding two years ago, it brought some want out of him for us to follow in their footsteps. However I was two years younger than him and wanting to pursue my education first, despite his argument that with a war on we could never be sure of how much longer we would have._

_"Do you want to die a virgin?" Sirius asked, using his scare-me-into-bed approach. He wasn't forcing me or anything, I wanted to more than anything, but he was often trying to coerce me rather than make me give up my morals. But deep down I think he knew that I wouldn't go that easily._

_"Are you saying I'm irresponsible and will be killed?" I challenged, pulling out of his arms and crossing my own with my eyebrows raised._

_"No. I'm saying you are too beautiful to die untouched inside" he grinned, his hands creeping to the drawstring of my sweatpants, and once again I had to slip his hand away._

_"Nice try"_

_Groaning he rolled back on the bed and returned to the radio, turning the volume up on the new Weird Sisters song. _

_"I love this song, me and Remus have been blasting this all week at the headquaters!" Sirius said in bliss as the opening guitar chords filled my small bedroom._

_"I don't" I smirked. The reaction that followed I had expected, he sat up suddenly in horror, looking at me as though I had sprouted three heads._

_"What? I thought you liked The Weird Sisters?" he spluttered._

_Grinning again I slowly prowled forward, and let my face get very close to his before whispering. "I hate The Weird Sisters" _

_"But you said-" Sirius spluttered again, looking horrified._

_"-that I like kissing you to The Weird sisters, not that I actually like them" I cut in triumphantly._

_Suddenly he leapt forward and tickled me sending me shrieking and kicking out at him, he was merciless and an unstoppable force of six foot man with considerable muscle pinning me down. I tried to pull him off me, my stomach killing from the laughter I couldn't restrain until a streak of inspiration hit me. It was wrong of me, but desperate times called for desperate measures. My arms had been involuntarily flailing but I gained control of one and reached my hand towards his crotch, the contact of his hand made him jerk and lose his hold on me. Taking my moment of control I pulled him over and pinned him down this time, staring into those beautiful grey eyes I knew so well. The laughter left his face but the happiness was still shining in his eyes._

_"Move in with me?" Sirius said, as usual in a random manner for such an important question, but his eyes serious._

_"What?" I asked, surprised._

_He grinned down at me, as though he knew I would never turn him down on the offer. "It'd be just as cheap as staying here and we would get more time together. I won't be trying to sex you up every night- maybe occasionally I'll try but it's not a way to trick you into bed"_

_I grinned back at him. "Yes Sirius, I mean I love you"_

_"I love you too"_

_We kissed and he pulled me closer to him, however the shrieking before had obviously been heard from downstairs._

_"You two aren't having sex up there are you?" the voice of my father called up the stairs._

_Sirius and I stared at each other for a moment, giggling, then raised from the bed holding hands ready to face my parents and tell them the good news._

**xoxoxox**

Severus shook his head, his lips pursed slightly but nevertheless continued. "Will you move in with me?"

I sat, mouth gaping open for a moment before I remembered it was probably extremely impolite. Pulling myself together I shut it, but realised I had let the silence stretch out too long. Severus pulled back from the table and walked towards the kitchen counter, slamming his fist down on it. "Shit!"

"Sev-"

"Don't"

Ignoring his request I slowly approached him, putting a gentle hand on his back. "You just took me by surprise that's all"

He threw me off him like a horse bucks off a nervous rider, as though he could sense my hesitation and wanted to bolt from me at the first chance he got, I didn't blame him. "Yeah? But you weren't going to say yes were you?" he drawled in a dangerous voice, his eyes sad and angry.

My instinct told me to lie to him, but I decided I had done enough of that, enough stringing along. Now it was time to get real. "Probably not"

Severus slammed his fist on the counter again, his breathing heavy. "I always felt...I always felt like we were meant to be, how can this not be right?"

Smiling sadly, I pulled him round to face me and laid a hand against the collecting stubble on his pale, sallow face. "Because we aren't _in _love with each other. We are two friends who are settling for each other, and it's not right"

"You still love him, don't you" Severus' voice was no more than a whisper of pain at this point.

"I'm starting to get over him now, but you don't help, you are a non stop reminder. I don't help you either, I was always your Lily replacement. You were a good friend to me, and I think you will be now that you are not with You-Know-Who. But not a boyfriend, or a husband. I'm sorry."

"You wouldn't be with me a lot of the time though, I'm at Hogwarts most of the year" he bargained, as though that would make things better.

"We're a charade"

"I wish it wasn't that way"

"Me too" I said, genuinely meaning it. "But I don't feel that way for you, I wish I could but I don't"

"Fuck!" Severus shouted, kicking a chair down.

"Severus, stop it. I want you to leave now" I warned, i wasn't going to sit here and be frightened by a man I had no intention of staying with.

"Okay" he said, quietening again. "At least I know it's not because of me that you don't want me, it's just feelings"

"That's right" I smiled, opening the door for him.

"Goodbye Lia"

"Bye"

**xoxoxox**

_"You let him kill me" Lily said snidely, her usually warm green eyes looking more evil and sinister than I had ever seen them._

_"And me too" James walked in next, putting an arm around his wife and staring at me with disappointment._

_"Peter'd say the same" Lily laughed with no humor "But all that's left of him is in a matchbox" _

_They both stepped towards me and Lily withdrew a matchbox from in her pocket, slowly she pulled out the draw to reveal a little toe._

_"NO, STOP, PLEASE" I sobbed, running away from them to bump into two more people._

_"This is the me you let die, the man you loved" Sirius sneered, but he looked more like the man I had seen in prison._

_The other man sneered too, his hair black and lank beside his pale face. "And I'm the man you wouldn't love, all because you hate me"_

_"NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"_

_All of them closed in on me, murderous looks in their eyes then they began to grab-_

"Lia! Lia! Wake up, you're dreaming!" came a shout beside me.

I stirred from my dream, my tears falling thick and fast as I put a fist in my mouth to restrain the heavy and gutteral sobs that were pulling from my throat. The person beside me pulled me close to him and patted my arm.

"You should have told me what you had gone to do today, I heard it from Albus Dumbledore, he knew you wouldn't tell me but thought I should know" Remus said heavily, his voice sad.

"I broke up with Severus too" my voice barely a whisper.

"What a terrible day" he commented, pulling the blanket I had wrapped round myself when I had lay on the couch tighter around me.

Finally I let myself cry as all the emotion of the day tumbled out of me, but despite the pain I felt safe, for I was with my family.

**A/N Finally the end of Snape. Next chapter will be another time leap, this time will be a leap into '93. **


	8. Visitors

**August 1993 (5 years later)**

The last five years had flown by, with only men to differentiate the different seasons, each season brought someone new- after breaking off as I did not want to commit to these men. There was James the German, Richard Big Nose, Robert Snort Laugh and more, each fading into a new one who would always be different from the last but share something which seemed to link back to him.

I found myself those years later sat at the kitchen table, eating cereal whilst my eyes scanned the Prophet, which in the quieter years had little to tell. After the main story of Lucius Malfoy supposedly threatening Hogwart's Board of Governers into the removal of Dumbledore there had been little news to print. The bedroom door creaked open as Lars sleepily walked out and headed towards the kitchen, after spending the night here. Remus had gone out early this morning so I was somewhat pleased for us to have the flat to ourselves this morning.

Lars and I had danced around each other for four and a half years, each going into relationships as the other were coming out but still harboring feelings but choosing not to act on them. Eventually we both managed to sort it out, and both not be seeing anyone and finally got together. That was four months ago, and I was having fun, but I didn't have strong enough feelings yet to see a long commitment.

"Hello handsome" I grinned up at him, as he dozily walked over to pour a cup of coffee. Smiling despite the weariness Lars bent down to kiss me on the lips softly for a moment before returning to his coffee.

"Mornin'" he yawned. "What's your day like today?"

Pulling a face I shut the newspaper and took my empty bowl to the sink to wash it. "Training on a new strand of dragon pox, yours?"

Lars pulled a face back, his uncle had had dragon pox and he was aware how nasty it could be. "Carting the Minister around somewhere"

Raising my eyebrows, somewhat impressed, I slipped my arms around his waist. "Wow, high profile"

"He's a pompous git though" Lars growled, setting down his coffee and responding to my touch, pulling me close to him letting me breathe in his coffee and aftershave smell.

I opened my mouth to reply to be disturbed by a knock at the door. Pulling away from Lars I shot him a questioning look, but only received an equally questioning one back. Straitening out my healer robes with my hands I went to open it. At the door were two official looking men, wearing dark robes and a serious expression on their faces. I felt dread sink through me at the sight of them, they never meant anything good.

"Sorry to disturb you so early Miss. Lupin" the one on the left said, who I recognized to be Kingsley Shacklebolt- a member of the Order of the Pheonix, who I had never spoken to that much,

"Not at all, can I ask why?"

"We'd prefer to come in, if you don't mind" the other man said, a tough and lionlike man who seemed vaguely familiar- probably from the Prophet.

I felt Lars approach the door and knew he was frowning slightly behind me as he leant against the door frame, his muscly arm in my eyeline. "Shacklebolt? Scrimgeour? What are you doing here?"

Irritation shot through me for a moment, not liking his protectiveness, they were clearly colleagues of his- I was in no harm and could handle things myself. "Lars, calm down, go to work"

"Yes Kelso, Cornelius is expecting you, and I am sure he will fill you in if he see fit," Scrimgeour confirmed, impatience biting his tone.

Somewhat reluctantly Lars slowly nodded and picked his wand up off the kitchen counter. Returning back he said his goodbyes and kissed me on the head, eyeing the two men carefully. After he left I invited the two men in.

"Would you mind if I just flooed work to let them know? Then I could get you a cup of tea?" I offered, knowing that I would be killed for missing this training but Ministry members visiting my apartment ought to be enough to placate my boss.

"Certainly" Shacklebolt said in an irresistably calm voice. "I could prepare the tea if you like?"

"Erm okay" I agreed, not sure if it were the best manners to have the guests preparing the drinks but I was eager for them to say whatever they had come to say.

After a quiet conversation with Teresa at work I pulled my head out of the fireplace and went to sit in the small sitting room area gratefully taking a mug from Kingsley as he and Scrimgeour settled themselves down on the couch.

"Miss Lupin-"

"No, call me Lia" I cut in with a smile, taking a sip of the drink, which was already much too hot. But I wanted to keep busy.

"Okay, Lia." Shacklebolt nodded, his the pleasant smile on his face contrasting with the scarred and prematurely old face of his colleague, who was staring at me in the manner of someone waiting to convict me. "We have a busy day ahead of us, and we can't afford to take much time out to explain this gently so-"

"Your fiance has escaped from Azkaban" Scrimgeour stated harshly, his eyes becoming more probing as he watched my face carefully to find what emotion crossed it.

"What?" I whispered, the mug of tea crashing to the floor. Discreetly Shacklebolt scourgified the puddle, but I hardly noticed it vanish. Clutching at the edge of my seat fear crossed my features. As I said almost every swear word I knew under my breath. Shacklebolt watched me with a sympathetic expression, reaching forward to pat my arm. After all, he had known Sirius and I, must know how I felt. However Scrimgeour had suspicion in his eyes and clearly believed I was either responsible, been in contact with him, or harboring him here in one of the bedrooms.

"H..how?" I finally dragged a word out of me, my body shaking.

"That's what we don't know" Shacklebolt said wearily, taking a long drag of his drink, giving the impression of someone who was working hard on this case and would like it wrapped up soon. "Two nights ago, the security charm went off near his cell, alerting his escape. There has been no sign of any forced exit and no harm to any of the dementors"

"However I have a suspicion you know something about it" Scrimgeour growled, tired of all the niceties and pulling out his old fashioned auror routine.

I simply stared at him, so disbelieving that this had happened. Azkaban was supposed to be inescapable, wasn't it? Everyone who tried either received the dementor's kiss or broke their neck on trying to scale the tall, jagged cliff that supported the prison. Then, there was the rough sea to face which no human could possibly face. It was insanity, impossible and so like Sirius to be able to escape it. A tiny smile almost reached my face, but the terror and the knowledge that I would definitely be a prime suspect stopped it from fully reaching my face.

"Well, this is the first I've heard of it so I don't understand what I'm expected to know!" I say with staged irritation and indignation, ensuring my angry look was directed more at Shacklebolt, who seemed to have more of a soul that Scrimgeour.

"We aren't accusing you Lia, but we will have to question you" Shacklebolt said gently, knowing that Scrimgeour's aggressive tactics weren't making any headway with getting any answers from me.

I made the deepest sigh ever and sat back in my chair. "Go ahead"

Shacklebolt dug out a notepad and quick quotes quill, which i eyed distrustfully. One of the reporters for the prophet, Rita Skeeter supposedly uses one of those quills, and they always seem to twist the truth. But I trust Kingsley to some degree so, I allow it.

"So, when was the last time you saw Mr. Black?..."

**xoxoxoxoxoxox**

"Goodbye Kingsley, Scrimgeour" I nodded as I let them out of the door, a forced smile on my face.

"It was nice to see you again Lia, even with the circumstances. Please take care and let us know if you have any more information" Kingsley replied, a matching smile as he was probably going over the notes of his biggest investigation in recent years in his head.

Scrimgeour merely nodded in my direction, his ravaged face screwed up in disbelief and dissatisfaction with the information he was given. It wasn't enough for him, not that I cared- it was the truth after all.

I shut the door behind them and collapsed against it, feeling the sobs wracking deep in my chest then forcing themselves out of my mouth, creating the most strangled and destroyed sound. Clutching my hand to my mouth I tried to stop the sobs from coming out so roughly, but only found my air supply being cut off. The sobs were of grief, of terror, of some twisted happiness that he was no longer stuck in that evil place.

"Sirius" I cried out, before once again forcing my hand to my mouth. The cry was so loud, I wanted no attention from the neighbours, who would question the noise in my apartment in the middle of a working day.

Slowly I walked to the bedroom and dug out the photo album from the back of the wardrobe. I slowly palmed through it, watching the happy faces of the happiest times of my life. Family trips, school photos with my friends, Lily and I in an impromptu shot by James. Throughout featured Sirius, when we first got together, when he graduated Auror training, when we moved in together and the one which sent the memories resurfing- the day I finished Healer School.

**xoxox**

_I clutched the portkey like my life depended on it. Yes, I would miss my friends there, and we had had a lot of fun but there was a huge part of me missing. Sirius. Now I was done with college, I had my job at St. Mungo's lined up and qualification papers in hand. My knuckles were white in the pressure and anticipation of clutching the battered tin as it glowed and counted down the time to go. There were seven of us in London area, two portkeys, North and South London. I was headed for the South London one, Sirius was at an Order meeting and I was going to go surprise him, he thought I would not be back for another week yet. We counted down then finally landed back into London._

_"Bye, write to me will you? I will miss you sooo much Lia" my closest friend at school, Elizabeth sighed. Grappling me in a vice like hug._

_"You'll have an owl sooner than you think" I smiled back, patting her back in a conclusive way._

_Finally all the goodbyes were out of the way and I was able to apparate to just outside the Order headquarters, as it had several of Dumbledore's best protective charms on it and I would be revealed far too quickly. I approached the house and stood smiling in front of the door, before knocking gently. The house was soundproofed but no doubt Mrs. Figg was yelling for someone younger and more able bodied to open the door. I crossed my fingers under the sleeves of my cloak that it wouldn't be Sirius. _

_I was lucky, I found myself face to face with James Potter. James started to open his mouth to call Sirius but I abruptly shoved my hand over it and shook my head._

_"I want to surprise him" I whispered, smiling mischievously. _

_James returned the smile, which came with ease to his face, and led me into the old house. Standing out in the hallway he pointed towards the study. "He's playing a drinking game with the Prewett's at the moment"_

_Rolling my eyes I approached the door quietly, and with great care pushed it open. James was correct, Sirius was sat on one of the ancient chairs that were all placed round a table. His eyes were shining and he was grinning in that irresistible way as he forced another shot into his mouth. His smile slackened and he started to cough, as the toxic mix of firewhiskey and some sort of dusty alcoholic beverage were mixed together. The Prewetts bright red hair was slicked back with Sirius' fancy hair wax and they were wearing between them one of his expensive shirts and the other his waistcoat. This left Sirius shirtless, which was yet another distraction for me. _

_"God that was awful, you twats!" he spat out, as I hid behind the door for a moment. Sirius made over dramatic heaving noises, rubbing his eyes as though he had been traumatised._

_"Now your pants Black!" Fabian cackled, holding his hand out._

_"Isn't that my job?" I smirked, coming out from behind the door. _

_Sirius jumped, slopping the next shot he was pouring all over his pants. But he didn't even bother with the dark stain forming over his rich slacks, as he jumped up and hurried over to me. "Lia! What are you doing back?"_

_"I may have lied about how early I was going to return" _

_Shaking his head he continued over to me at a brisk pace then held me in his arms, lifting me up and spinning me round. He pulled me away from him for a moment, examining me. "God, Italy has done you good. The school being over there is the best thing possible. You look stunning, princess"_

_"Hey Lia" Fabian and Gideon chorused, eyeing me up much to obvious for Sirius' liking. _

_"Hey!" he shouted, flicking his wand and turning their chairs back round to face the wall. He lowered his tone as he faced back to me. "Let's go somewhere more private"_

_The tone was too suggestive for my liking. "Sirius you know that I want to wait-"_

_"Yeah, I know. Not for that. I'm allowed to kiss my girl aren't I, in privacy?" I nodded back, unable to control the wide grin on my face. "C'mon, we'll go out into the garden"_

_Sirius led me by the hand out through the kitchen, several people shouted in greeting to me but Sirius impatiently told them off for "disturbing our time". I hit him gently on the arm for being so rude but still couldn't help but smile. He led me through the door to the small square garden, the garden did not have much in. It was just a patch of grass, a large table for in the summer and a couple of dottings of magical herbs and plants. _

_"Merlin I've missed you" he purred into my neck, planting my bare shoulder with kisses. I sighed into his chest, our fingers intertwining as I breathed in the heavy alcoholic and cigar smell. I frowned slightly at the cigar smell, since I had told him to quit several times, but right now I was happy. I couldn't bare to disturb the reunion. Sirius finally found his way up to my lips, involving me in a deep and passionate kiss- tasting the firey taste of whiskey still remaining on his tongue. The way I melted into him was so natural, we were meant to be in every single way. His hands explored me in a gentle and restrained way, respecting my wishes. I loved him so deeply for that, I had never been as in love with a person as with him, he was my life but he did not restrain me from my dreams or I him. He was my fire and I was his ice, yin and yang. Meant to be. _

_I opened my eyes again as I came to, to find Sirius on one knee._

_"Sirius" I whispered, my breath catching in surprise and overwhelming happiness. _

_"Sacrillia Lupin, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" he grinned that boyish and troublemaking grin from the ground, a ring in a box._

_"Oh Sirius, wherever did you get that from?" I breathed, the emotion of the moment overwhelming me once more._

_"My Uncle Alphard, he always did like me" Sirius' grin slipped a fraction, at the acknowledgement of how little his family cared for him- but it restored as he saw the expression in my face. "So will you?"_

_"Of course I will you idiot!" I laughed, letting him slip on the ring and enveloping him in a hug, burying my face into his chest- tears running down my face as I tilted it up to kiss the man I loved- my fiance. "I love you so much"_

_"I love you too"_

_It started to rain mid kiss, which sent the barking laughter out of Sirius. "Perfect" he growled holding me out in a formal position._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I want to dance with you in the rain" he whispered in my ear, sending the ever present collection of butterflies in my stomach aflutter and my heart racing. It was incredible after all this time that I could still love Sirius so much, and still feel the first date feel around him permanently._

_He tilted me back and danced joyously and with a lack of rhythm, making a laugh right from my belly ring in the garden as our wet hair flapped against each other, his bare chest soaked by the now somewhat torrential rain. A cheer sounded from the kitchen as everyone watched us, a tear falling down Lily's face and a set of grins on all of the Marauder's faces. All of the inhabitants ran out, despite the weather, at our acknowledgement of them watching us._

_Lily enveloped me in a hug and said into my ear. "You've found the one, haven't you?"_

_"I think so, you too" I smiled back at her. She looked back at James and nodded._

_"I think so too"_

_**xoxoxoxoxox**_

__"Lia!" a harsh American voice interrupted my blissful reminiscence. "I just heard he's-"

"Sirius Black is back" I said. The memories still fresh in my mind, and the pain back in my heart.


End file.
